


Beyond The Grave

by RaylieKnight



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23277676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaylieKnight/pseuds/RaylieKnight
Summary: Duo had been dead for four and half years and life had moved on with Relena taking his spot shamelessly. But a misplaced fax finds it's way to Heero and the other pilots and they suddenly find out everything they know has been a lie...
Relationships: Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	1. Betrayal

Relena Peacecraft happily snuggled down against broad and strong chest under her cheek in the early morning light that streamed through the curtain. So dim, almost a gray light, the kind of light that made shadow’s fall across Heero Yuy’s handsome face. But not his ideal light. The ideal light to view him in was right at noon, when it picked up all the deep shades of brown in his hair. The light that lit up his eyes and made them shine with determination and justice. That was the light she loved him in, the light she looked best in. The light that made them shine as the ideal couple.  
The alarm wouldn’t go off for another five minutes, so, she was going to enjoy every second she got before her perfect soldier woke and his face became harsh and strong. Right now, it was relaxed and as soft as it ever got. And she was the only one allowed to see this side of him. This Heero was all hers. She gasped lightly as his arm tightened around her instinctively, as if a part of him already knew she was awake. And it made Relena smile that she could invoke such unconscious reactions in him.  
She lay there warmly, forgetting everything else for the moment and just basked in the glow of the early morning. In just minutes Heero would get up and go for his morning run and she would lose this peace. She would get up and get ready for another day in the office and when Heero got back he would take his turn getting ready, preparing for another day in his office at Preventor Headquarters. They would eat breakfast together and then he would take her to her office and kiss her goodbye. She would meet him for lunch after a rigorous morning of phone calls and signing papers, and maybe Wu Fei might join them, he was Heero’s partner after all.  
When lunch was over they would go back to work after she got another kiss, and then she’d toil the long hours until he came to pick her up and they would go home. Dinner in the evening, sometimes with the other pilots, since she and Quatre were good friends now and Trowa too. Then they might read together on the couch, they might watch the news together, or she might take her wild soldier to her bed and spend hours taming him. Showing him all the pleasures she could offer, all the good that came from his choice. The ideal choice. The right one.  
But all too soon the alarm announced the time and Heero woke next to her, suddenly alert as if he really hadn’t been asleep. Looking around with observant eyes that maybe didn’t believe when Relena feigned waking and looked up at him with sleepy eyes.  
“Good morning.” He tilted his face down to meet her kiss when she moved against him. Then he was rolling out of bed and away from her, and Relena had to take a breath to mourn for that lost moment. It was the same every morning and it felt sweet and casual and routine. But it was always over much too quick.  
Still, it was time to start another day in her perfect life. She finally had everything she wanted, had planned for. Had worked for. Relena smiled as she watched Heero dress for his run, his taught muscles flexing beneath tanned skin. Yes, everything she ever wanted.  
Even if sometimes his touch was somewhat empty and hallow of emotion. Even if sometimes during their lovemaking she could swear he was looking past her, through her. She could forgive him those moments. He hadn’t had a normal childhood after all, he’d survived a war and no one could come out of what he had survived unscathed.  
Still, her life was perfect.  
Until today.  
Until the fax.  
Relena had made it to work and it wasn’t until just now that she realized that she had brought this upon herself as she looked down at the paper in her hands. The fax that had come in just moments ago was like a nail in her coffin, a coffin she hadn’t known she was laying down in. She’d been sitting, resting between signing documents and diplomatic phone calls when the fax had beeped urgently at her and she’d run to close her door and then run to read the fax. There were only two reasons the fax beeped more than twice when a fax came in, one was if it was a family emergency, but the other was her secret to keep, a secret that threatened to shatter her perfect life into bloody shards.  
The fax was from a doctor. A doctor who worked for her, a doctor whom she had hired when no one else would because of his reputation during the war. A doctor who paid for his continued freedom with the service he provided in a remote location where no one could monitor him or his patients.  
Now, the doctor was telling her that something had gone wrong with one of his patients, his VIP patient. He watched over several people for her, people she wasn’t afraid to lose to his rather brash practice and questionable technique. People who were kept away from society for their own good and for the continued safety of others, dangerous people. It wasn’t a prison per say, it was more like a home. She was doing them a favor really; she was the only thing between them and a real prison. Or a death sentence.  
Reye’s Syndrome, a disease that was more common in children than adults, deadly in most cases when not caught right away. The doctor wanted her approval for surgeries and other tests that he didn’t go into, he was very vague as usual, but the hints made Relena’s skin crawl. She pushed the paper away from her and shuddered. She got out of her chair and walked over to her window, allowing herself to feel the sun on her face and remember other things in place of memories of the war that sprung to mind whenever she was faced with the doctor. To remind herself of this life, this life she had fought for and earned. This bliss that she had to protect.  
And then she let herself remember what she was protecting it from. Who she was protecting Heero from. And what he could do, what he would do, if wind of this ever went beyond this office.  
Relena turned back to the fax with her mouth set; the doctor knew what he was doing, if the patient died under his knife, well…those things just happened, no one really had control over it. Relena pulled a pen from the holder sitting on her desk and quickly signed the paper with a flourish at the end. She didn’t even realize she was smiling as she did so.  
A soft knock made her head jerk up abruptly and in panic she shoved the fax under another piece of paper and quickly took her seat. “Yes?”  
“Ma’am, Agent Chang is here, about the L2 Ambassador’s visit next week, and you have a phone call from Chairman Doone. Oh, and did you want these copies made in duplicates or triplicates?” Her secretary, Miss Sylar, had a clipboard in her hand and held out some more documents for her after she’d crossed the room. She was an efficient and severe woman who always wore her hair up in a neat blonde bun and who got things done. Who Relena appreciated and trusted; just, perhaps not with this, she didn’t trust anyone with this secret.  
“Oh,” Relena looked around her desk for the Ambassador’s file and gave her secretary the pile she was done with. “Let’s do trips, and you can tell Agent Chang to come in, this call will be brief.”  
Relena took the call with a broad smile, talking swiftly as Wu Fei came in; she tilted her head in a greeting to him and held up her finger, asking for a minute. He nodded and took a seat in a chair in front of her desk. Her assistant handed him the papers he needed off her desk and he began to read over them as Relena finished her call.  
“Thank you for waiting Wu Fei, it’s been a busy morning, I can not wait till lunch, I am in need of a break.” She smiled as he nodded.  
“The Ambassador’s visit is causing similar disorder where security is concerned.” Wu Fei allowed himself to give her a small smile in return. A smile that had taken years to earn as he and the other pilots learned to relax. To live common lives, to set aside erratic paranoia and severity. Seeing that smile reminded her of this precious way of life she was protecting. She could lose Wu Fei’s smile if he knew, lose his respect which was so hard won. It was a chilling thought.  
“Where is Heero?” Relena asked as she shifted papers around a bit more and set things up so she could start signing the new documents when their meeting was over. And also hiding the fidgeting that might betray her anxiety. She wanted that fax sent off as soon as possible!  
“He is currently going over the Ambassador’s schedule, running through every detail. Looking for any holes we might have missed.” Wu Fei put the files away and looked to Relena, giving her his full attention.  
“How big is the security detail going to be?” Relena asked, getting down to business as she looked down at her own notes. They discussed the entourage she was going to end up with, when and which press would be covering of the event, the first nights dinner plans and then she blinked at it was time to stop for lunch.  
“We should finish this later.” Relena relented, she rubbed at her eyes and sipped a cool glass of water, hunger was making her irritable now and she didn’t like taking that out on her friends.  
“Agreed.” Wu Fei said, looking like-wise stressed and ready to stop to eat.  
“Good, I have a few things to wrap up here and then I can join you and Heero.” Relena tried not to let her fingers tap in exasperation, that fax was hovering over her like a looming storm. She wanted it gone from this office and the original destroyed.  
“Oh, I will not be joining you for lunch today. But I will see you this afternoon to finish going over these. And I will have the rest of these documents filed by then.” Wu Fei stood, giving her a slight bow of his head and a smile before he excused himself and left.  
Relena sighed heavily when the door was closed; she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes tightly. At least this would probably be the second to last fax she ever got if the doctors reputation held true. One last fax, telling her it was over, and then she’d never have to deal with this stress again. She might even shut down the facility forever after this. Let Heero and Wu Fei bring the doctor down the mountain for some long overdue justice. It would all be over and she could live the rest of her life never having to think of it ever again.  
Relena finally sat foreword and pulled out the fax from its hiding place. Except that the paper she pulled out wasn’t the fax. Just another paper waiting for her signature. Relena’s heart jumped into a race as she began to dig. She shifted and looked through every paper on her desk, searching first thoroughly and then frantically.  
It was here, it had to be here! She’d hidden it right under… the Ambassadors files! The ones her secretary had handed to Wu Fei. The ones he had walked out of here with, to take back to his office.  
Relena felt her heart jerk in what she was sure was a heart attack; she stood and raced for the door, running full out when she hit the hallway and ignoring the way her secretary called after her. People scrambled out of her way as she ran, willing Wu Fei to have dawdled for once in his life, for him to still be there! Waiting for a car or checking his reflection. Maybe taking a phone call in the lobby? But of course he wasn’t. The man didn’t know the meaning of the word dawdle, not unless it was to lecture someone else for doing it. He was long gone. With her fax. Just gone.  
Back to the office he shared with Heero.  
Relena stumbled and fell against a stuffed chair in the lobby and stared out the doors into the bright sunlight. Her perfect world shattered around her in that perfect light. She could hear people talking at her, shaking her, trying to get her to look at them. But they didn’t know, didn’t realized like she did. That it was all gone.

Wu Fei walked into the office he shared with Heero and set down the files he’d collected at Relena’s office on his desk. He sat and pulled up the program for the scanner on his computer and began to methodically scan the papers in, one by one.  
Heero came back and sat down across from him at his own desk with an exasperated sigh, looking worse for wear than when he had left. He just sat there for a while, staring up at nothing with a blank expression. He did this from time to time, especially when the day was especially stressful, and Wu Fei let him. He reasoned that it was Heero gathering his thoughts, or taking a moments reflection.  
“This is going to be a nightmare.” Heero finally broke the comfortable silence between them. Wu Fei looked up with a sigh and agreed.  
“These files are extensive; however, they don’t provide much insight that will help us. They are mostly for Relena’s benefit.” Wu Fei rolled his shoulders in an attempt to get the muscles in his back to relax; he was finally nearing the end of the pile. “At least we have previous visits to base off of and start from.”  
Heero grunted and leaned forward to lean on his desk, setting his face in the palms of his hands. He stared at the pile of work in front of him and couldn’t bring himself to start. How many years had it been now? How long since he had started down this road. Since…  
“H-Heero!” Wu Fei’s alarm caused Heero to jerk up and look at him, eyes searching for some kind of attack. But when he saw his friend’s face he froze, Heero had only ever heard that shock in Wu Fei’s voice one other time in his life.  
“What is it!?” Heero demanded his chair rolling back as he stood quickly. He practically ran around the desk to look at Wu Fei’s computer screen, where Wu Fei was staring with that horrified look on his face. What was he looking at, what could have made Wu Fei pale like that?  
Heero stood behind Wu Fei’s chair and began reading the file that he had just scanned into his computer.  
The title heading was one he’d never seen, a place he’d never heard of. A prison that didn’t exist; couldn’t exist because both men knew the names and locations of all prisons on Earth. But what stood out, what caught his eye, what made him shake and grab onto the back of Wu Fei’s chair till his hands hurt and he heard fabric ripping was a name.  
D. Maxwell.  
Heero felt as if the room was spinning, as if the floor was pitching and rolling under his feet. He turned and stumbled backwards, forcing his hands to release the back of Wu Fei’s chair, until he hit the wall behind him and braced himself there. Legs locked to keep him upright before he simply sank down and sat on the floor. Alive!? Sick! But still alive…not dead?  
Not Dead!  
“He’s alive.” Wu Fei echoed Heero’s thoughts as if he could read them, his voice breathy and horrified. His own hands pressed down on his desk as if to stop them from shaking.  
“Duo’s alive.” Heero didn’t recognize his own voice, it wavered with emotion and his heart ached as he tried to stay upright. It was unbelievable. It was a miracle; it was… it was a betrayal of the worst kind.  
“RELENA!” Heero said her name like a curse. Like all that was wrong in the world could be linked back to the one person he had let get the closest to him. The person he had chosen to spend his life with. He let this sudden hate run through his veins like ice cold venom. He wasn’t sure if he could stand only moments ago, and now all he wanted to do was run from the room to commit cold blooded murder. “She paid for everything! She helped us pick out the gravesite! She fucking mourned him!”  
And yet, her beautifully scrawled signature was there at the bottom of the page for approval. Staring both of them in the face.  
Wu Fei let out a long string of curses, pushing himself back from the compute as if he could physically distance himself from her betrayal. Looking like he needed to wash his hands, possibly sterilize every part of his body that had just been so close to her. It was a mixture of disgust and rage.  
“Where is it!?” Heero demanded, pushing off from the wall. He had two choices here, and he couldn’t very well walk into Relena’s office and start killing. Not while his friend was imprisoned, that came first. And there was no way he could see her now and not shoot her, not harm her in some way. Even if a small part of him still understood the good she was doing for earth and the colonies, that she was still needed. It was the other part of him that spoke up and pointed out: did the people need someone like this for a leader?! Someone who could do this to another human? And for what reason!? There couldn’t possibly be any good reason for this.  
So, there was only one other choice left. He was going to go get Duo, whom they thought dead for years now. Four and a half years. Way too long! What had he suffered at Relena’s extended hand, what did he think of them, did he even think of them at all? Did he resent them, resent him while he hoped to be rescued? Had he fought to escape and failed and cursed them for it? Did he think of Heero? Miss him? Hate him? Was he still hoping and waiting?  
The fax with Relena’s damn signature on it said something about Reye’s syndrome, what was that!? Was it deadly? Was he somewhere in pain, writhing and hating them for deserting him? Was he feverish, chilled, fighting for his life?  
They had as good as deserted him, it would’ve been kinder to pick out a bullet and shoot him. But Duo had been forgotten, written off, for years!  
Memories assalted him, forcing him to think back on the last time they’d all been together, to the last time he’d eaten lunch with him and Wu Fei, and then the last time he’d seen him at all. The last smile Duo had given him, how it had haunted him all these years, and how it caused him even more pain now! That wonderful smile, Heero destroyed it. The accident hadn’t been his fault, it had been a shock at the time that such a thing to take one of them away… but this, this was different. This was his fault, it was Relena’s fault, it was her behind the whole thing, but in part, it was his fault too. For passively letting it happen.  
No wonder it was closed casket! The sudden thought made Heero nauseous even as he watched Wu Fei bringing up maps on his computer. The way she’d cried with them, the way she’d comforted him, all lies! All vicious, knowing lies. She had bided her time; he had let her in when he thought he was done grieving. He’d made love to her and believed that what they had was real, but it was all false! This was her doing, and he was going to undo it, at any cost.  
“Here!” Wu Fei pointed at a mountain in a range, seemingly in the middle of no where, “This is where she’s hiding her prison.” His voice dripped with resentment, as if he were talking about the worst sort of criminal. And wasn’t he? Wasn’t that what she truly was?  
“Then that’s where I’m going.” Heero scowled at the map, determination set in his shoulders as his heart felt like it was breaking out of an ice casing. Beating for the first time in four and a half years.  
“Where we are going, my friend.” Wu Fei corrected him then started making phone calls while Heero left to tell Une they were leaving, sending up a silent prayer to whatever god that would listen that it wasn’t too late.


	2. Sickness

Duo stirred, woke and cursed as he looked around at a very sterile, very chrome room. A room where he was strapped down to an examination table. A familiar room that was hard and cold and unforgiving.  
Still alive, still here.  
The two things he always remembered first when he woke up, every day was a struggle, every night was filled with nightmares and terror, and every time he fell asleep he held out hope that he might never wake up again.  
OZ has nothing on this madman! Duo thought, not for the first time, as the doctor danced into his line of vision. A complete psycho, a sociopath, and a complete idiot too. Duo loathed him more than anything else that had become his life these past four years. When his mind was clear he remembered enough to thank Relena for all of this, but for the times when his mind was reeling from the pain, from shock or from a sickness, the doctor was the best and only target he could focus on.  
Hating the good Doctor Aykan had gotten him through the better part of his time here. It had become a kind of spot, spiting the man with his continued existence. Staying alive one more day, though he may wish for death to take him from this constant hell, it was the only pleasure he had anymore.  
Aykan liked him alive, alive to endure more experiments and testing, always talking about how he’d never had such a specimen under his knife before. But each day that Duo lived also tormented him. Aykan prided himself on mysterious deaths, and then he liked to cut up the bodies to see what he’d done. It was his ultimate goal with each inmate Relena had delivered straight into his hands. The fact that Duo was still alive after all the doctor had done to him, the fact that Duo could take more than anyone before him, was Aykan’s bane and his greatest gift.  
So, Duo accepted that his victory against this man’s madness was a small one, but took it anyway. Since he had woken up again and was obviously not going anywhere, Duo started to look around. He instantly regretted his decision as his head suddenly throbbed and his vision swam from the movement.  
“Alive and awake Maxwell?” Aykan’s voice came from far away, as if Duo were listening to him from underwater or another room. Even when he was standing near by and gleefully looking down at him. “I’m sorry to say we haven’t gotten our fax back from the Peacecraft woman yet. They child-like queen hasn’t responded, so we can’t move ahead as scheduled.”  
Duo wondered why he sounded disappointed and wondered what exactly this supposed schedule was and how Aykan ever planned these things out. Did he ever plan anything, or did he just submit to his madness and let that lead.  
“I know, you’re disappointed too. Such a procedure is rare; it’s something that would have furthered my research, especially with a live specimen!” Ah, reduced to ‘the specimen’ again, Duo was very familiar with that. He suspected that Aykan referred to him that way to save what little sanity was left in him. To distance himself and save himself as he killed over and over again. To make his victims less human and therefore without value. “The drawback is we need the child queen’s permission. She made it quite clear she wanted all the big stuff reported back, yes? So, I sent the fax yesterday, hoping she’d be prompt, as she has been before. But no such luck this time, and another day gone only means further progress for the sickness.”  
Duo found his mind drifting with the doctor’s familiar ramblings. He hoped this would be a good day, though few and far between. Some days it was hard to remember who he was, who he’d been, why he was there. But on good days he was quite aware of everything, remembered everything and could relax and remember. And though that usually meant more pain, it also meant a day where he could watch for his one chance. That one opening where he might possibly escape from the damned-  
Duo moaned and struggled against his restraints on the bed, writhing in another wave of pain which was followed quickly by nausea, and it gained him Aykan’s unwanted attention.  
“Does it hurt Maxwell? How much? Scale of one to ten!?” His excitement at the prospect of Duo being in pain was disgusting. “Beyond that!? More than ten? Do you know what you’ve got! I diagnosed it myself! Reye’s Syndrome! What luck! It’s more common in children you know.”  
Duo wanted to spit at the man, but his mouth was so dry! He strained against his leather bonds, but the day when he could even start to stretch them out enough for some wiggle room was long gone.  
Duo tried to stay strong mentally, but his physical strength was all but lost to him at this point. He had been as strong as he had been during the war for quite some time. Allowed to lift weights, allowed to do physical exercises in the controlled gym. Perfectly healthy.  
But then he’d caught the damn flu. He suspected another inmate, a man by the name of Tanner. A dredge of humanity, hooked on numerous drugs and addicted to nearly every vice Duo could think of. He’d seen the man, talked to him briefly, and he was the definition of depravity. Duo suspected, all that was churning around in his blood and mutated the virus. Because when Duo got it, it had devastated his body.  
Tanner had died finally, only a week ago, but his flu and wrecked Duo. Left him shivering and coughing in isolation as the flu gave him a dangerously high fever and pneumonia. He had spent weeks getting better, laying on a bed alone and praying for death to take him. Up until then he had been able to mostly roll with whatever Aykan had planned for him. Maybe a few days down time after a particularly grueling experiment, but then he would bounce back. Frustrating Aykan as the man tried to think up another torture to put him through.  
But it had been that damn flu that had gutted him, left him hoping for death with even more vehemence than before. Left his muscles weak and his lungs compromised, left him helpless as he watched the doctor drain Tanner of his blood so he could store it away for the future. Take his blood too, in vials so that he could have it on hand for whatever whims stirred around in his brain.  
Duo stopped straining against his restraints as the pain dulled some and he could open his eyes again. “What did you give me you crazy fucker!?” Duo demanded, his hands finally relaxing out of fists, new half moons of blood joining the many scars left there by his own nails.  
“Reye’s Maxwell! Reye’s syndrome!” His laugh was high and sharp, Duo hated it. It ground against his nerves and annoyed the hell out of him. “Primarily a children’s disease. But it can occur at almost any age, most harmful to the brain and liver, causing an acute increase of pressure within the brain and massive accumulations of fat in the liver and other organs.” His words, his text book words, made Duo blanch. It made him dizzy again to listen and caused more hatred to gather in the bottomless well he had for this man.  
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?!” Duo yelled, his voice echoing around him and his brain letting him know how it did not appreciate the abuse. The wave of pain slowly dulled again with Duo straining against his bonds, fighting to get lose, to kill himself at the very least. He wasn’t going to see this one through if he could help it! Wouldn’t let this, Aykan’s latest experiment, be his downfall.  
He didn’t want to survive this one only to meet a worse fate when Aykan thought of something new and horrific to do to him. If he had to live in this hellhole one more year, he really would lose all sense of himself, he’d lose everything he had left. Which wasn’t much.  
One thing left to him was his memory, and he wouldn’t betray that. He was out of here, one way or another! Duo blinked the light out of his eyes as his thoughts ran around and around in his head. The pain was making his memories blur and run together and he hated that. It made everything so confusing.  
“The disorder commonly occurs during recovery from a viral infection, although it can also develop three to five days after the onset of the viral illness. Reye’s is often misdiagnosed as encephalitis, meningitis, diabetes, drug overdose, poisoning, sudden infant death syndrome, or psychiatric illness.” Oh God! He was still talking. Duo let out a soft groan as he swallowed thickly, trying to fight back the nausea.  
“Symptoms of Reye’s include persistent or recurrent vomiting, listlessness, personality changes such as irritability or combativeness, disorientation or confusion, delirium, convulsions, and loss of consciousness.” Aykan got down real close to Duo’s ear, almost whispered to him as a lover would, wonderment shining in his eyes. “You want to know the best part Maxwell?”  
Duo shook his head ‘no’, but the doctor took no note of it, too far gone in his fantasy to allow Duo to ruin it. “There is no cure.” Duo heaved then; it was all too much and his mind couldn’t overcome his body’s physical reaction. But, as usual these days, nothing came up. Even his stomach bile was saying down as he was forced to dry heave. His throat burned all the way down to his stomach, and his head throbbed with a blinding pain. Still, the doctor’s words reached him because a part of his brain that had been conditioned by the war still working, never stopping, always absorbing data for later. Saving it as he absorbed every word that was said to him so gleefully.  
“It’s only when it’s caught early that there’s hope. Protect the brain against irreversible damage by reducing brain swelling, reversing the metabolic injury, preventing complications in the lungs, and anticipating cardiac arrest. It’s all about management.” Duo caught his breath again as his muscles stopped contracting in his chest, as his stomach finally let up and the pain set in for another assault against his brain and body.  
“Recovery from RS is directly related to the severity of the swelling of the brain. Some people recover completely, while others may sustain varying degrees of brain damage.” Aykan wouldn’t stop now that he’d started, now that he knew Duo was listening, now that he had audience that couldn’t refuse him. “Those cases in which the disorder progresses rapidly and the patient lapses into a coma have a poorer prognosis than those with a less severe course. Unless Reye’s is diagnosed and treated successfully, death is common, often within a few days.”  
“SHUT UP!!!” Duo screamed at him, kicking out as hard as he could, whipping his head back and forth, pulling his arms against his restraints till he thought something would surly snap and break, if not his bonds, then his bones.  
“Be calm Maxwell, otherwise I shall be forced to sedate you.” Aykan’s voice was eager, not at all in tone with the words he was saying. Duo could tell he was simply aching for Duo to push the envelope, to force his hand to what he longed to do. And so, he stilled, calmed himself down. Paid for his lapse as the pain assaulted him again and concentrated on breathing and the beat of his heart as the doctor pattered around him in his squeaky shoes. “That’s better now.”  
Apparently, it wasn’t, from the disappointment that filled his voice when he monitored Duo’s condition. “You will be glad to know that these textbook terms do not apply to you. You are not only a unique specimen; your disease is unique too. You will be the first documented case of induced Reye’s syndrome.”  
The pride in his voice was something Duo had come to expect, but always blindsided him none the less.  
“You sick, monstrous…” Duo started to curse him, planned to let out a string of swears that would normally have people running from him as he turned his deadly violet eyes on them, but the doctor only brushed them aside with a wave of his hand.  
“Yes, yes, you can assail my ears later; you may fill a book with all that you know of obscenities, but now is a time for science! Remember, even if this disease is induced, your recovery relies completely on how soon I can reduce the swelling in your brain. And each hour that child queen does not send a response, your case worsens.” Aykan spoke of her with such adoration, such impatience for her rules and regulations, but on the whole the man adored her at a level that Duo suspected would be dangerous if Relena ever denied him anything. But that day would probably never come.  
With everything hidden away in these mountains, Relena stood little chance of her secret ever being discovered. And Duo knew she would be very careful with any fax that originated here. There never had been, and never would be, hope of a rescue. Duo had dashed those hopes within hours of arriving; his only hope was his training.  
Incapacitated, his chances lessened and the probability of death escalated immensely. It was why he wished for death so, it would be the only complete escape from this place and this pain he would ever get. He barely even thought of the outside anymore. Faces and names dashed from his mind. His only hope was to find an opening for death, to welcome something he’d escaped so often during the war. Of course it was now when he couldn’t find it! Now when Death forgot about him completely.  
“Oh! Dash it all!” Aykan pulled out a needle and started moving towards one of the many tubes he had running directly into Duo’s veins. “I shall simply call her and get a verbal confirmation!”  
Duo screamed internally and thrashed as violently as he could again as Aykan injected the needle neatly into his bloodstream and then turned and left the room.  
Duo was out before the man’s hand was on the doorknob.  
Brothers, in all but blood! The promised words haunted him in his dreams, comfort and torture wrapped up together as memories washed over him. Even through the pain they were clearer than anything he heard or saw while awake. Eating away at his sanity night after night, a requiem for Duo Maxwell, damned and hopeless.


	3. Damage

Heero wondered if blood would ever return to his face as he finished reading up on Reye’s Syndrome. He was sitting alone in an empty terminal at the closest Preventor air base and probably white as a sheet. A very quick, very discreet conversation with Une had gotten them a SR-X3 transport ship used for mountain rescues where landings were questionable, and it was ready to leave as soon as Trowa got here with the doctor Quatre had borrowed from the Preventors payroll. It was going to be tricky, but with all their experience and if everything went smoothly, Heero hoped to have Duo back here and in the Intensive Care Unit before the second day dawned.  
Quatre was staying behind, making sure to have things ready to go when they got back if Duo’s state was worse or better than what they thought; though it wasn’t looking that way from what Heero was reading about this syndrome on his lap top. Quatre had two rooms reserved and was guarding them while also giving Relena the run around with every power at his command, since none of them was quite ready to face her. Duo was priority one right now.  
Trowa and Wu Fei were coming along, both traveling with Heero in the SR-X3, Trowa piloting in case they couldn’t land, and to keep tabs on their borrowed physician. Wu Fei would back up Heero, but would also keep a link open with Une. Their commander was ready to bust this whole thing open, discreetly of course. They couldn’t expose Relena, not yet, but they could put an end to this whole fiasco and keep her from cleaning house, or interrupting them.  
Heero was leading point, and he was grateful for the support from Une and the swiftness of her actions, Sally Po was also helping to keep everything quiet during this mission. But it was hard to think of anyone else when every thought he had was solely focused on Duo. The moment he had started reading, the blood had drained from his face, leaving him pale and dizzy. He hadn’t expected Reye’s to be such a severe disease! At the very least, he’d expected… well, he didn’t know what, but not something that produced out comes like brain damage, comas and death.  
He could only imagine the pain that came with such things, and now, more than ever, each second felt like it was one second too long that they weren’t gone yet. More and more his disgust with himself was growing, the way they’d deserted Duo!   
Not just me, he had to keep reminding himself, all of us, we all thought he was dead. Heero argued with himself that he might not have accepted it at all if the other pilots hadn’t believed it as well and had grieved with him. He was stuck between damning himself and trying to absolve his action. The internal war was making his hands tremble against his laptop as he tried to hold still and wait for the others.  
Because the only other thought he had was to take the ship alone and leave right that instant.  
Heero heard rapid footsteps coming from down the hall and Wu Fei entered the room as he looked up to see who it was, he had a medical bag and three packs in hand. Heero already had extra weapons in addition to those already strapped to his body and they were ready for anything this prison was going to throw at them, all they were missing was their pilot and-  
More rapid footsteps, two sets. Heero snapped his laptop shut, shoved it into his pack at his feet and stood to put on his pack in one fluid motion. He and Wu Fei were moving for the automated sliding doors at the end of the room when Trowa and Doctor Phillips entered the room. The doctor hesitated a little, but Trowa didn’t, continuing his stride to catch up with Wu Fei and Heero. The shorter woman with close cropped blonde hair ran to catch up and smoothly took the medical bag from Wu Fei as she climbed into the SR-X3 after them.  
A tall man with a pilot’s jumpsuit gave up his seat to Trowa, the ship already started up for them. Trowa got them off the ground smoothly and into the air as soon as they got approval from the tower. Behind him Heero, Wu Fei and Dr. Phillips put on headsets and checked in while the two men helped the doctor strap herself in tighter.  
“Mr. Barton told me that my patient has Reye’s syndrome?” The doctor turned it into a question aimed at Heero who was leading this operation.  
“Correct.” Heero confirmed, as he mentally went over what he’d read in his search just minutes before.   
“Good, I brought a hypertonic IV of a glucose solution; it’s said to help prevent progression, but that’s only suggested treatment during the end stages of the syndrome. Most of everything else I have isn’t going to do much good. The patient is most likely going to need a brain surgeon more than anything else. The most I can do is reduce the swelling with medication and try and get more oxygen to the brain. This needs to be done fast, I have no idea if your man has had any treatment or how long it’s been since he was diagnosed. Success is going to depend on time.” Heero didn’t need to be told, but he let the severity of her tone confirm all the thoughts and notions he’d gathered as he’d learned exactly what Reye’s syndrome was.  
“Dr. Phillips, will we be able to transport him safely when the time comes?” Heero asked, goosebumps dancing up his arms as he fought to keep his fears from showing on his face. The words ‘too late’ kept repeating over and over in his head. He didn’t like any of the odds that his far too meticulous brain was providing just at the edge of his thoughts. Each passing minute was a calculation in his head, based off the time he’d read off the top of the fax. Each passing minute might be one too many.  
“I won’t be able to say until I see him.” She admitted giving him a sympathetic but sad look and Heero didn’t take it well as he turned away from her to watch their progression. He couldn’t talk to her right now, because all he wanted was for her to tell him that Duo was going to be ok.   
The rest of their trip was Heero being silent and scattered questions to the doctor and short comments and observations between the other three. Heero couldn’t hear Wu Fei’s conversation with Une, but he could see the Chinese man’s mouth move in short bursts now and then. But the only thing really on his mind was getting to Duo and odd thoughts… such as how Relena had managed to make the accident look so real, yet somehow get Duo out of it alive. Or, what they had done with Duo’s few belongings in the past four and a half years since his presumed death. Had he kept any ass mementos? Had the others? Or had he let them all go? And how could he have let them all go if that was the case?   
Heero’s heart jumped, he’d been staring blankly out the window and suddenly he recognized the area from the memorized map in his mind, they were close now, and it was time to prepare to land. Or to repel down if there was no place to land. Either way, Duo was only miles away now, just miles away when he’d been “dead” for so long.  
The thought of never seeing him again had broken Heero into shattered pieces four and a half years ago, now the thought of seeing him again was tearing down what he’d carefully put back together since then. 

Duo woke to excruciating pain again. He couldn’t think clearly, but he could tell that things were bad, worse than they had been. Through the pain he could tell that his sense of time was off, his sense of direction was off also and he wasn’t feeling things like before. Everything was through a haze, but he couldn’t tell if it was a pain-based haze or if it was just a muddled haze because something else was wrong.   
His thoughts were scattered, but they’d been that way for so long now, it was hard to remember what it was like before. He couldn’t remember what it was like not to be tied down here, sick and helpless. Waiting for Aykan to come back, waiting for death, waiting for some kind of change and getting nothing. Did he actually have a life before this, or had he always existed on this cold, sterile table? Tied down and trying to breathe through a pain that blocked out all his other senses. It dulled everything till even just the little bit of stimulus he was getting was painful as well. Just smelling the sterile scent of the room hurt as much as the pain throbbing in his brain from whatever had caused this mind splitting headache.   
He tried to think but all that came to him were words from a song, words that haunted him and taunted him. Words that told him he was left alone to die while everyone was off, happily living. He was forgotten, he was going to die here and no one would know.  
Part of him burned to hear the song again, to take comfort from it; he was sure he had in the past, lost himself to the music. But he was also sure that there was no way that Aykan was going to bring him the song, in any form. He hadn’t been allowed music for so long, he was sure of that. It used to be something constant in his life; everywhere he went he’d had music, its absence scarred him just as much as these tests, these inhumane practices on his body.  
Everything was wearing down on him in an increased effort to break him, to finally make him stop everything. Stop breathing; stop fighting, stop wishing, hoping or scheming. Just stop. And gods help him, but something was being done right, something was succeeding where others hadn’t, because he wasn’t even thinking about escape anymore. He was actually considering stopping.  
He didn’t even struggle anymore, just listened to himself breathe and tried to figure out what his heart was doing. It was jumping around; some part of him recognized the words ‘irregular pulse’ but that epiphany left and wouldn’t stay long enough to tell him what that meant.  
His heart didn’t match the pulsing and throbbing in his head at all, but that was steady, and growing. Duo coughed, hating how the pain grew and wouldn’t recede like it had other times.  
“She’s not taking our call!” The anger in that voice caught him off guard and made Duo flinch. Anger wasn’t good when you couldn’t fight back, and he couldn’t fight back, not tied down like this. Not while in this much pain.  
I don’t think I really want to die yet, Duo thought when he heard that voice. Which confused him more, his own thoughts weren’t making sense. He did want to die! The pain reminded him that not being alive would be an escape. Why was he telling himself now that he didn’t want that escape?  
“Something has happened!” Aykan’s voice was accusatory and worried in the same instant, and even as he went around checking Duo’s vitals with hard, long fingers with sharp, jagged nails, he still managed to look excited. “How are you feeling now Maxwell?”  
“Twenty-nine.” Duo sputtered out, shivering violently.  
“Twenty-nine!?” Aykan asked, then light shimmered in his eyes, “Ah, yes, the pain! Good, good.”  
Duo cursed him, but he didn’t think his voice raised enough for the doctor to hear him. He closed his eyes and waited while the doctor started to pull at his hair. Duo groaned and squeezed his eyes shut as the movement made his stomach roll. Why, of all times, was the doctor pulling at his braid now!?  
“She’s not taking our calls and I haven’t gotten a fax back. But she’s made her position on things clear in the past. She must be away on a trip of some kind.” Duo moaned and wished again that the doctor would be struck mute by some merciful god. “We’ll just tell her what happened when she gets back, eh? Your condition is peaked and it’s too good and opportunity to pass up. She’ll understand.”  
“What are you doing to my hair?” Duo asked, though through his pain and exhaustion he was pretty sure it came out “whatta’r doing m’hair?”  
“We’ll have to prep you for brain surgery. All this hair must go!” Aykan explained and Duo felt a rush of pure panic, but it was accompanied by a wave of pain and nausea, so his voice failed him as Aykan reached for the scissors.


	4. Psycho

Relena let out another strangled noise of frustration as she tried yet again to make an out going call from her office. She had lost count now of all the numbers she had tried. She kept trying and trying, desperate to get a hold of a contact who owed her a favor. Someone she could trust. And now she just wanted to get through to someone that wasn’t one of Quatre’s secretaries. They were giving her the run around, politely answering the phone and asking if she needed anything. And then calmly telling her that the lines were down and that they would let her know when they were up again.  
Over and over, answering calming and repeating the same words. She was sure they were just taking turns picking up the phone, they were laughing at her! Didn’t they know who she was? She was the Queen of the Fucking World, and they were laughing at her! She would make each and every one of them pay. She would make they pay right now if she hadn’t been stupid enough to let the Preventor’s provide her security detail.  
Relena had seen them in the hall, watching her. They had escorted her back to her office and asked her to stay inside, for her safety! As if they weren’t holding her prisoner! But it had been enough to convince her own staff and now she was trapped!   
Relena gasped for air, ignoring her own panic attack as she tried again to demand to speak to Heero. But this time the dial tone didn’t even sound! The lights in the building flickered and Relena was left standing in the afternoon sun coming in her window. They had cut her power!?  
“Ma’am? Miss Relena?” They were knocking at her door again, she could hear familiar voices outside, talking about her, talking to her, talking, talking, talking!  
“Shut Up!” Relena yelled at them. The knocking stopped and she could almost imagine them, waiting with baited breath for her next words outside the door. Useless rodents!  
“I’m Busy! Reschedule all my appointments and go away!” Relena barked. She knew they shuddered at her tone; it wasn’t often that she raised her voice. She wouldn’t have to, if only they would leave her alone. They were trying to calm her down instead of helping her. In the end, they were listening to the Preventor’s agents instead of her. Relena paced, she should have hired a reliable, loyal staff. Loyal to her! But Heero had been so insistent on keeping her safe, he had taken over all the interviews she had held for her staff.   
“Ma’am? Wouldn’t you like a break, we have a tray out here for you -” Her secretary tried to bribe her though the door.  
“NO!” Relena snapped, pacing furiously.  
She began looking around her office. She needed a way out, she needed to get to a proper phone and deal with this catastrophe. Everything was riding on her handling this in time. She had to stop Heero before he left her, had to stop him from seeing what she had done. She might still convince him this was all a mistake, a clerical error of some sort. Or perhaps that she was being framed. She could twist this around to suit her needs if she could just get word out to her contacts. She could erase the good doctor’s prison before anyone ever took a step inside! No evidence, no crime!  
She’d make sure Duo stayed dead this time! Nothing was going to ruin her perfect life! Nothing!!!

Heero ran ahead, letting Wu Fei lead the doctor after him while he cleared a path for them to follow. He could hear shouting around him, other inmates, other people Relena had hidden away, other betrayals to the society he’d helped her build. His icon, his reason, his purpose, it was all a lie. And the proof was yelling at him as he quickly made his way through the stagnant halls. They yelled profanities, madness, jeers. And each shout, each word, was like a neon sign pointing out how wrong he had been. Heero couldn’t believe, couldn’t even think back to how all this had happened, how he’d been deceived, how he’d deceived himself.  
But he wouldn’t let those thoughts, that realization, slow him down. Not right now, right now he needed to move ahead, needed to find Duo. Needed to at least start to make this right.  
That thought turned him cold even as he kicked in another door, finding an exercise room complete with weights and other equipment, this place was an enormous maze. Make it right, the phrase fell so dramatically short of what needed to be done. He might never be able to make this right, might never earn Duo’s forgiveness.  
Heero moved down another hall, he was growing more and more frustrated with each empty room that didn’t hold Duo. He found a forked hallway and one lead off to something called ‘Atrium’ while the other one was labeled ‘Infirmary’. Heero’s heart leapt and then stilled with a deadly calm. He was steady now, steady as he ran towards the infirmary, gun lifted and safety off. He was blank inside, everything became black and white. Duo was white, Wu Fei and the doctor were white. Everything else before him dripped black.

Duo found a piece of clarity. He let the nausea go, forgot trying to keep his throat from spasming; instead he let the pain fuel him, let the feel of Aykan’s hands in his hair allow him the movement he needed. It probably helped that half the room exploded when he moved, though Duo really couldn’t tell if that was really happening or if the pain was doubling in his brain and making it seem like things were happening.  
But Duo jerked fast and hard, lifting himself up and over as far as he could against the restraints and was rewarded with his hair sliding through Aykan’s hands. He still heard the scissors close with a thick, sick snip and knew he hadn’t saved it all. He hadn’t been quick enough.  
Duo finally screamed for the first time that day, not for the pain or the nausea or even the total humiliation of it all, but he screamed for his hair. For all it represented, for all it was to him. It was his pride, his link to Sister Helen’s love and the home he’d almost had, it was the war, it was a limb that Aykan cut. A part of him in everyway, even without blood running though it. And Duo screamed his pain that overwhelmed and overshadowed all else.  
Duo bucked against his restraints and then jerked harder as his other pains joined in and sent him into darkness. Too much, it was too much and his brain shut him down hard, just as he caught sight of the end of his braid in Aykan’s hand.

Heero saw Aykan through a safety window in a door, scissors held up in the harsh light of a room that looked all too similar to every OR he’d ever been in. Heero tried the door, seeing only Duo’s profile where he was laid out flat on an examination table, his eyes shut tight in pain, his arms straining against tight bindings that were holding him firmly down. Heero jerked at the door handle and when it didn’t open, he backed up one step turned his gun on the door and fired. He held the gun higher than normal, aiming down as he shot out the lock and then shoved his shoulder into the door.  
His entrance served to distract Aykan long enough that Heero saw Duo jerk hard against his captor and for a moment he thought it was ok. Thought the scissors had snipped closed harmlessly. But Duo’s scream broke the silence and Heero’s rage overtook him as he saw nearly half of Duo’s braid in Aykan’s hand, slowly sliding out of its braid but still held together by its little black tie.   
Heero felt the gun leave his hand but paid it no mind, he wanted his hands on Aykan, and death was too easy an out for this monster. Heero had Aykan in his hands and up against the wall before the insane surgeon could even begin to utter words of protest. He was still in shock of someone being there who was deffinently not one of his prisoners or one of the men who worked for that woman.   
Heero growled low in the back of his throat with an old and familiar possessiveness steeling over him.  
“Who are you!? What are you doing here?! How dare you interrupt my-” Heero pulled back his fist, pining Aykan in place by his neck and let his darker side take over. Let his anger go and let his deep well of rage wash over him while his mind reverted back to years of conditioning and training at the hands of a sociopath that had made him the perfect soldier.   
It had been a long time since he’d last felt this as he let his fist smash into Aykan‘s face again and again, the force of his hits slamming the back of this man’s, this monster’s, head back into the wall. The perfectly sterile white wall. The metal around him shone brightly as a stone like blankness crept over his face and old urges leapt to mind. A mental gear inside him shifted and it was like a click went off somewhere in the back of his mind, he could almost hear it, like taking the safety off his gun.  
Heero suddenly knew that he had to get 02 out of here, had to get them back to the safe house, had to make sure this man was dead. Couldn’t leave a witness, and this man had killed innocents. He would pay for what he had done. The pilot 02 was injured, he would have to secure a doctor, a safe place for him to recover. Had to get them safe. Pilot 02 was imperative, for the mission. Not for himself, never for himself, even if-  
“HEERO!” Wu Fei spun him around, grabbing a tight hold on his wrist where he was crushing Aykan’s windpipe slowly but calculatingly. “Heero! Focus!” Wu Fei barked at him, deliberately getting up in his face, making Heero see him instead of the past.  
Heero let go of his rage, let it fall back into it’s endless well and sealed it back up in his mind, locking it away. He looked at Aykan, no longer breathing, collapsed against the wall at his feet where he’d slid down to when Heero had stopped holding him up. Leaving behind a sick trail of blood from the back of his head against the white wall. It was spattered out where Heero had held him, a bloody halo for the crazed doctor. Heero realized he’d killed the man and that he was glad that he was dead. He had planned to spare him, but then he had seen the man standing over-   
Duo!  
Heero broke away from Wu Fei and turned to find Dr. Phillips bent over the table where Duo was strapped down. She was speaking to him but Heero couldn’t tell if Duo was answering her or not. Heero crossed the room in three fast strides and came around to stand on Duo’s other side. Hovering over him and trying to gauge how he was, were they too late?  
Dr. Phillips didn’t seem to notice him there, even as he reached out and ran his fingers lightly along Duo’s arm. Duo was warm. Too warm, but he was very much alive!  
He was real; he was here, right in front of him. Breathing, labored and harsh, but breathing. Chest falling up and down, mouth open and gasping for each breath, lips spotted with blood from where they’d cracked from dryness, fists clutched tightly at his sides, head thrown back, eyes shut tight in pain but…Alive!  
Heero said it again to himself, reassuring himself that he was right. Dr. Phillips was trying to help. He shouldn’t move Duo till she said it was alright. But they needed to get Duo out of here and to some real help.  
Heero didn’t notice his own fists unclench, his bloody knuckles relaxing at his sides, his hands coming to rest next to Duo, tentative, afraid to hurt him more.   
“Bring me that IV pole, remove the bag first.” Dr. Phillips barked quickly as she put away a stethoscope and pulled out a metal lined box that held a bag of fluid. Heero moved quickly, bringing an IV pole and stripping it of a bag already hanging there. Dr. Phillips hung her onwn and ran a tube down to Duo’s arm where she’d already tied a tourniquet and inserted a needle into his raised vein. She untied his arm and instructed Heero and Wu Fei to take off the restraints holding him down.   
She pulled out a set of syringes as Heero gently undid the binds on Duo’s upper body and arms while Wu Fei worked on getting Duo’s legs free.  
“We need to get him out of here and to a proper operating room with a brain surgeon. I don’t like any of this! That… that man was prepping him for brain surgery! But he was- his computer, get whatever files you can!” Dr. Phillips snapped as she injected a solution into Duo’s IV port. Heero broke away and pulled out a flash drive and started to quickly download Aykan’s files.  
Wu Fei spoke to Trowa over a radio, instructing him that it was safe to land and that they were going to get Duo out of there. Then he switched over to Une and started talking quickly to her. Heero could hear him telling her to send in the prepared team after them to secure the prison after they left.  
Heero pulled out his drive when the computer informed him that he had everything that was there and then turned to help Phillips and Wu Fei transfer Duo over to a back board the doctor had set up on another bed with wheels so that they could get Duo out of there.  
They moved him smoothly over onto the different bed and that was when Duo’s eyes fluttered open. Phillip’s was instantly there as Heero froze at the sight of those familiar, violet eyes.  
“Duo Maxwell? Can you hear me?” She asked, looking at his eyes as she did so.  
Duo moved sluggishly, as if unused to having his arms free. “who’rree yoo?” Duo muttered in a raspy voice, his tongue darting out to moisten his lips, but not really succeeding since his mouth was dry.  
“My name is Dr Phillips, I’m here with your friends to get you out of here. Just relax, you’re going home now!” Phillips let Heero push her aside as they started pushing Duo down the hallway.  
“Duo?” Heero asked his voice low and strained. He hoped Duo didn’t hear the desperation in it; he hated himself so much right now. But he was also yearning to hear Duo say his name. praying it wouldn’t be filled with hate and betrayal.   
“Oh fffuck. ‘m deead.” Duo rasped and flinched and Heero said a silent apology for having to move him so roughly.  
“No!” Heero told him, wincing as his voice came out harsher than he’d meant. “You’re not dead! We’re getting you out of here Duo! God! I’m so sorry!!!”  
“YUY!” Wu Fei barked as the little security that was needed to run this prison finally showed up, blocking off their exit.  
Heero cursed under his breath as he had to leave Duo. He had to trust Wu Fei and the doctor, had to believe they would protect Duo and get him out. It physically hurt to step away from Duo, but he did so. Pulling out his guns, Heero took aim and coldly took out each obstacle that stood between them and their transport. Each obstacle that was stopping Duo from getting the help he needed.  
Heero didn’t shoot to kill, though a part of him screamed for justice, he simply shot to injure and immobilize. With Wu Fei’s help and Phillips guarding Duo, keeping him on the move, on a path out of this hell. They made their way through the small mass of ‘guards’ and out to the other side where Trowa was calmly taking out anyone who approached the pad where he’d landed. Guarding their escape with precision accuracy.  
Heero faced the prison while Wu Fei and Phillips loaded Duo at his back, securing him in place in the SR-X3. They were getting Duo out of there; he’d killed the man who’d done the direct damage. All that was left was to get rid of the source.   
He was willing too, but the woman who’d once ruled as a queen was desperate now, politicians were at their worst when desperate. But that was all she really was now. A politician. Not his lover, not his partner, not even his friend. She was a stranger, an enemy he had let himself bed down with.  
Heero remembered what Duo had once said to him, “Politics? ‘Poli’ means many and ‘tics’ are little blood sucking insects. Sure Heero, all you need is a can of bug spray!” He’d smiled at Heero, a big grin that went clear up to his eyes, making them sparkle violet and dark at the same time. A cruel and vicious smile that asked Heero to share in his joke. The smile he always gave Heero, and one Heero had never been able to answer. Heero had wanted to laugh, to smile back, had wanted to allow himself to be Duo’s friend. He had wanted so much for them.  
He’d discovered his love for his partner too late. And then Duo had been gone, dead. Stolen away from him, it turns out.  
Oh yeah, he could deffinently take Relena down!


	5. Pain

Duo was absolutely positive that he was hallucinating. He just had to be; any alternative was just too cruel. He was bordering on consciousness now, but that thought alone was frightening. He was in that place where dreams followed you into the waking hours and everything felt swirly and unreal. His limbs were heavy and he couldn’t move them. And not just because he was still strapped down, he had no motor control, and he hated that.  
His brain moved slow and was suggesting that it might be a good idea to go back to sleep, that the blackness would hold warmth and relief. It told him that being awake was full of cold and pain and things that weren’t real mixed up with things that were. But Duo’s instincts were on high alert, screaming actually, that something was wrong.  
It was his instincts that won in the end. Instincts honed on sleep deprivation with a gun in the hand, trained to be ready for anything. Ingrained into his very being was a kind of sixth sense that spoke of danger and blood, of looming death. It had never steered him wrong and it was buzzing all through his veins right now.  
Duo followed the pain back to the sharp white light as his eyes cracked open and tried to look around. The blurriness was added to with a barrage of sound. It was all muddled together and Duo couldn’t separate anything, just like he couldn’t isolate his thoughts or follow them to a logical answer. Everything was confusing and wrong.  
Duo began to fight against it all, he just needed a few moments of silence. Was Aykan chatting away again? He did that a lot. Even while he was cutting open Duo’s skin or shooting him full of drugs. He said every little thought that came into his mind and even narrated his actions. Like when he picked up those damn scissors and-  
Duo jerked violently. The thought of Aykan brought the last memory he had of the man to the front of his mind. He was strapped down and unable to fight back, the silver scissors leaving his vision and the sound of them closing, sharp and thick.  
Duo let his lungs fill with air and pulled against whatever was holding him down, desperate to get away. He had to get back to his cell, had to assess the damage Aykan had done while he’d been out. He had to see for himself just how much Aykan had… had… c-cut.  
Duo let his rage and fear spill out of his mouth, a guttural cry. Not a scream, but more of a yell. His raw throat protested to the abuse, but Duo wasn’t planning on stopping till he was gone from this room. If Aykan wanted silence then the sick bastard could just knock him out again. But in the meantime, anything he could do to disrupt that man’s day was fine by him.  
Duo ignored the pain building up with each yell, ignored the signs his body was trying to give him that it was so very close to breaking. He thrashed anyway and let the pain fuel him, more and more, pumping adrenaline into his system, letting his blood pressure rise dangerously. He just needed to see. To know what that butcher had done to him.  
“Duo, please.” It was the ‘please’ that stopped him. Aykan never said ‘please’, never asked him anything, well, maybe how much pain he was in. But that was more of a demand. He never, never used the word ‘please’. Duo fought to control his own outburst. Pulled himself back from the edge he’d been fighting to throw himself off of. He opened his eyes again and was rewarded with something close to clear sight.  
But what he saw made him moan in a different kind of pain.  
He was almost sure he was looking up into Trowa Barton’s face. He was almost sure he could just reach out, just a few feet away, and touch his friend. Someone he’d thought of as a close friend.  
Duo could have sworn that- but the hands holding him down reassured him that this was just another hallucination. He was being held down in Aykan’s lab, far, far away from Trowa, from Quatre, from Wu Fei, from-  
Duo turned his head away, not wanting to see Trowa’s face, not wanting that hope inside him to try and come alive again. And, predictably, his hallucination followed him, trying to keep itself in front of his eyes. This hallucination walked around his body, trying to keep him from seeing what was really going on. His brain was nice and considerate, it was really just trying to protect him, but he wasn’t sure why it even tried anymore.  
The rest of him had accepted his fate, why couldn’t that last part of him just let go? Why couldn’t he just die? Did a part of him always have to fight, even now?  
Maybe it was just Shinigamii, trying to come back, trying to escape its little black box in the back of his mind that Duo had trapped it in.  
It was a fun thought, that he could call forth his old monster and unleash it here, maybe free himself somehow using old strength and old desperation. But he also knew that if he let Shinigami out one last time that it would be the last time. That there would be no putting him back in his box after that. That he would put on that mask and it would stay up forever. Shinigami would kill every other living being in this prison, every soul Relena had tucked away up here to protect her perfect little world from. They would all die at his hands as he, at last, gave in to insanity.  
So, even now, Duo kept the lid on tight and tried to ignore a fake Trowa’s pleading. Tied to see past him, tried to focus on anything else that would bring him back to some semblance of sanity.  
“Please Duo, calm down. It’s ok now, we’re at the University hospital, you remember, it’s just down the road form Preventor HQ. You visited Heero here when he got shoot on his mission to retrieve that stolen flash drive. You helped him, you hacked your way through the phone company and found that man trying to decode it. You remember him? Slay? He shot Heero and we all came and visited him, just two floors up.” Ah. This Fake Trowa was tricky, he was using old memories to try and make himself seem real. Trying to lull Duo back to the darkness where he could remember that little gem. One of the few times Heero had admitted to even a little bit of weakness and let Duo take care of him. It had been such a wonderful time, it was one of Duo’s favorite memories, despite how he had blamed himself for Heero getting shot on that mission.  
It really sucked when his brain decided to go on these little trips without consulting him first. He would much rather have seen a Fake Heero in his last few moments. No offense to Fake Trowa, but Fake Heero was kinder, better to look at and loved him. Whereas Fake Trowa was all reason and sensibility, driven by fond memories and the recollection of good times whenever he ‘talked’ to Duo.  
Fake Heero would have been a lot better, his mind might have won if it had decided on remembering Heero rather than Trowa because Heero would have fought for him, would have yelled and ranted and shot someone. Was making threats and using all of his influence as a top Preventor agent to help him. Was- wait… ‘was’?  
Yes, that was a Fake Heero, when Fake Trowa moved a little to the side he could just make him out. That unruly hair, that uniform, that fierce scowl. And there was a Fake Wu Fei, too. Well, wasn’t this just a happy little party in his head.  
Fake Trowa was offering him comfort, trying to calm him down so he could enjoy watching Fake Wu Fei and Fake Heero arguing with some doctor over him. Duo wondered when a Fake Quatre would show up with a birthday cake.  
“I assure you that Duo can handle it, despite his condition! Or do you want him to wake up again while you’re operating?” Fake Heero was yelling at what looked like a surgeon.  
“We are soldiers, Gundam pilots, contrived and trained to withstand mass amounts of drugs. Resistant to some. Yuy is right; you can not treat him like any other patient. Look for yourself!” Fake Wu Fei suddenly pointed at him and Duo wondered why his hallucination was making so much sense. “He’s awake and coherent!”  
Fake Heero’s face when he looked over and realized Duo was looking back at him made Duo ache. Fake Heero was so considerate and caring, even now he was dashing to his side to make sure he was ok. Was asking him how he was doing, if he was ok, where it hurt. His beautifully blue eyes were full of worry and his hands were so warm and so gentle.  
Duo smiled up at him, trying to make it pleasant, but sure it came out a little wan.  
“Hurts everywhere.” Duo muttered, loving how real Fake Heero’s hand felt against his face. It was even more real than his last dream of escape, although that one had involved a hanging of a certain blonde woman. But maybe this one was even better, maybe this time he could imagine her facing a firing squad.  
“Just hold on, we’re going to get this moron to make it stop. You’re safe now Duo!” Fake Heero insisted. Fake Wu Fei hung back, talking quietly to Fake Trowa.  
“Mm-hmm.” Duo agreed and then sighed, wishing it were true. Wishing he wasn’t so aware that this was all in his mind. If he wasn’t so well trained, this hallucination just might work. But it was like watching a really great movie, yet still being aware of the theater seat underneath you. Just a little bit of something always keeping you from being fully absorbed. Something always ruined the dream, and he really didn’t want this one to end.   
“Duo, I’m sorry… so sorry! I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop him from-” Fake Heero was stammering.  
“S’ok. You weren’t there.” Duo tried to comfort him. But Fake Heero was not comforted, instead he looked worried and slightly angry. Duo cringed; Fake Heero usually didn’t get angry with him in his dream. He supposed it was a side effect of the- of whatever Aykan had done to him.  
Duo blinked slow and tried to change the expression on Fake Heero’s face. Tried to take control of the dream as Fake Heero stared at him in shock and realization.  
“No, Duo! Pay attention. This is real!” Fake Heero tried to reason with him. Duo just smiled up at him.  
“Be nice if it was.” Duo muttered.  
“I’m going to have to insist that you leave now!” The doctor was back, ushering Duo’s memories out of the room.  
But Duo didn’t recognize the doctor. Aykan didn’t have any help while operating. There were far too many nurses and other doctors here, and the room didn’t even look like the sterile room Aykan always used. It was always the same, Duo had figure it had to be since Aykan was so insane.   
Wasn’t this his dream? He should be able to control things here. Why was Fake Heero leaving? Duo tried to reach out to his hallucination, suddenly unwilling to let it go. He didn’t want to go back to the pain so soon!  
Heero saw the movement, tried to get back, tried to return but hands were moving him along, taking him away!  
“Wait!” Duo rasped, his raw throat making it a whisper that fell on deaf ears. Shouldn’t they hear him, shouldn’t they be bowing to his every whim! Shouldn’t they be people he knew, people he’d seen, and people who’d treated him before?  
Why was his mind tormenting him with strangers? If they were strangers, shouldn’t they be faceless, like before? Duo remembered that dream quite vividly. If he saw faces on the doctors, he should know them.  
“Ok Duo, we’re going to up your dosage per your ‘comrades’ suggestions. You can relax now, you’re in good hands.” The doctor was nodding to someone, was smiling down at him, but his eyes were sad.  
“Wait!” Duo begged, and they heard him this time. Duo didn’t fight his bonds, allowed himself to look around. Allowed himself to feel. They weren’t bonds, real people had been holding him down. Trying to stop him from ripping out tubes, disrupting wires, or harming himself.  
There was never any pain in his dreams. It was the only place he could be free of it. In this room, he felt so much pain. Real pain. Real hand. He heard real voices that were saying things he didn’t know, talking about things he had never researched.  
“Yes Duo?” The doctor asked, raising an eye brow, waiting on him.  
“Is this-” Duo was almost afraid to ask, was afraid he was going to be provided with the answer he wanted to hear by his own desprate need. “Is this real? Where am I?”  
“It’s alright, you’re in the University Hospital, and we’re treating you for the altered Reye’s syndrome that Dr. Aykan gave you. Your comrade, Heero Yuy, provided us with the doctor’s research. But this is all a battle against time, so I need you to lie down and relax.” This doctor, the woman at his side, they were too real to be a hallucination! There was something off about all of this, this was not something he would imagine, not where he would choose to go in a dream.  
Duo lay back, letting his head rest, noticing the little blue cap just at his peripheral vision, hiding whatever remained of his hair. He let the nurse talk him through a countdown as a mask was placed gently over his face. As the mask bit into the bridge of his nose, as he heard the heart monitor and soft murmur of hushed voices talking over him, he realized it had to be real. It had to be because none of his hallucinations, none of his dreams had ever held this much detail. It felt real in a way nothing had for years.   
Heero, Trowa and Wu Fei hadn’t been fake, they had really been there, and had really gotten him out, just like he’d always hoped. They’d come back for him, after all this time!  
The concern on Heero’s face had been real. Wu Fei had fought for him along Heero’s side. Trowa had been there, calming him.  
He knew his hair was really gone, knew that had been real. But maybe it was the sacrifice needed. Maybe it had placated whatever gods hated him and that some god had finally decided that Duo had suffered enough. That it was ok to grant him his one wish, just the one.  
“It’s real.” Duo muttered as the world around him disappeared again, but this time, he wasn’t so afraid of waking up again, this time he really sincerely hoped he did. For the first time in years he didn’t wish for death to come for him in that dark. He wished for


	6. Denial

Heero knew he should be grateful for the hand on his shoulder. Knew he should be grateful for someone to hold him back from violence in a hospital. Knew he should be sitting and waiting for news of Duo quietly while he was still in surgery. There were just a few doors between them now, but Heero didn’t dare push through for Duo’s safety. As much as he wanted to be by his side, he also knew it was imperative to not distract his doctor.  
Instead, Heero was standing with Wu Fei and Trowa holding him back physically while Quatre blocked his path to the source of his anger. Agent Sally Po. She was standing with her hands up in the universal sign of surrender and looking nervous, as well she should. Heero was not feeling kind or understanding just now. But she also looked frustrated with him, pleading with her eyes for him to understand while she stood there and repeated a message sent to them from Commander Une, the woman who was their boss.   
“I still don’t understand.” Quatre sighed heavily with his own frustration, it was almost as if he wasn’t even aware that Heero was behind him, seething, barely being held in check by his comrades. But though they held their friend back, the rest of the pilots were just as in shock, just as angry at this sudden denial of justice. “What do you mean that Commander Une is officially, on the record, stating that we are under direct order not to pursue this matter; that we are, in effect, to make no offensive move after Miss. Peacecraft?”  
“Exactly what I said, word for word.” Sally smiled at them while Heero fought not to take everything out on the damn exasperating woman right there and then. How could they deny them this? Une had sent in her own team to secure the facility after they had gotten Duo out. How could Une, knowing what Relena was capable of, knowing who she really was beneath that thrice damned pink façade, allow her to go untouched, allow her the freedom to do this all over again? Heero didn’t understand it, but he didn’t need to. All he needed to do was put a stop to Relena himself.  
“Une was lied to too, just like the rest of us. Miss Peacecraft played us all as her pawns. How can you just let her get away with it? Doesn’t such a situation call for at least an acknowledgement of the corrupt behavior by someone wielding so much power? Miss Peacecraft cannot just be left to her own devices.” Quatre finally yelled, which Quatre rarely did, surprising them all and drawing Trowa away from Heero and to his lover’s side.  
“We’re not! She won’t!” Sally protested, letting her offence at his accusation show. “Miss Peacecraft will be put under the strictest of surveillance. All of her employees will be interviewed and replaced where necessary. We won’t let anything like this happen again. But we can’t touch her. We don’t have the proof or the support to go after her in court.” Sally looked Quatre in the eye, focusing only on him. “That is why I am here to tell you that Commander Une is officially, on the record, stating that you, all of you, are under direct orders not to pursue this matter; that you are, in effect, to make no offensive move after Miss. Peacecraft per her orders.”  
Sally stared at Quatre , ignoring the others and even ignoring Wu Fei’s disgust as he talked Heero down from his violent rage. She stared and waited, watching the wheels turn in Quatre’s head till she saw dawning realization on his face and gave him a big smile.  
“Well, my message is delivered, I’ll be back to visit Duo when it’s allowed.” She gave them a cheerful wave and walked off with a little bounce in her step.  
Heero turned away and collapsed angrily in one of the waiting room chairs. It was a small waiting room, just outside surgery. Chairs lining the walls, a small table for kids with standard toys on it. A TV bolted to the ceiling. Magazines that no one read spaced sporadically around the room. Just a place to be near at hand while peoples loved ones were being pushed in and out of doors that swung both ways. Swung with hope and with despair.  
Heero stared at the doors from under his bangs, hating them. He stared while Quatre came to sit next to him, sliding into the chair rather than dropping into it as Heero had. Heero saw Quatre’s smile out of the corner of his eye and snapped his face around to scowl at him.  
“Damned…” Quatre cut off Wu Fei’s curse before he could finish it.  
“No Wu Fei, they’re on our side.” Quatre couldn’t help the little laugh that slipped out mid sentence when he saw the looks Heero and Wu Fei were giving him. They were almost exactly the same.  
Heero growled at him, not understanding and letting his frustration narrow down to Quatre, a nice blonde target for his still boiling rage.  
“Don’t you see Heero?” Quatre asked, turning to look at Trowa and Wu Fei too, “They’re formally, very formally, stating on the record, so there is no argument, that they are officially ordering us not to pursue this.” Quatre watched the knowledge dawn in Trowa’s and then Wu Fei’s faces, but sighed in exasperation as it still eluded their enraged friend.   
“Heero, we have one signature. Just one wayward fax. Relena has had this under wraps for years! We don’t have enough proof to take her to court, to get her through legal means. It just wouldn’t hold up. The Preventors can’t seek justice with only one signature.” Quatre tried explaining it. “We would only end up with the prisoners and the people who had been working security. And even if we could sway them to testify against her, it would just be their word against hers. Or, they might simply take the fall for her and that would be the end of it.”  
Heero saw it at last. Une couldn’t support them officially if the tables were turned and Relena got the better of them, which she most certainly would, in court. So, she was making sure that everyone knew she had ordered them to let this go. But she couldn’t control her top agents, her best men, who were all ex Gundam pilots. And Heero was very ready and willing to go down along if he had to. He didn’t have to drag anyone else into this thing between them. He could make sure Duo would be safe with their friends.  
“She can deny it all if we… she can keep the Preventors out of it.” Trowa voiced their thoughts. Though none of them was daring to finish where this thought was leading, not just yet. And especially not out loud, in case anyone was listening.  
It was enough to cool Heero’s rage down to a mild fury. He still didn’t see how keeping Relena where she was but under control was helping anyone, but he could see how this could go very badly for the Preventors who relied heavily on donations and fund-raising events, where Miss Peacecraft was always sure to be seen giving her support.  
Heero calmed himself by turning his anger towards the swinging doors, which weren’t opening like he kept trying to will them to. Instead they stay closed, too bright and too clean, keeping Duo out of reach.  
Always out of reach…  
Heero ran his hands through his hair again, still not caring after all these years that there was no taming the mass on his head. Instead the odd thought passed through his mind that Duo had once looked at him after a particularly stressful mission, through out which Heero had been running his hands through his hair. And without any explanation Duo had taken one look at him, smiled, tried to hide it, smiled again and then had burst out laughing.  
Heero could almost hear his laugh, had remembered it all these past years, yearning to hear it again, clinging to dreams where it echoed in his ears and made him twist himself up in the sheets unconsciously.  
Heero wasn’t listening to the voices around him anymore, instead he could see Duo in his mind so clearly, just days before the staged death Relena had probably been planning for years!  
Heero hated how all his memories were now tainted by her. Every moment that he could remember being with Duo was now tainted by his mind, it found a way to twist everything around so that he was left just wondering how long she’d been planning, the double meaning behind each phone conversation, each gathering, each and every encounter where Duo and Relena had been within a mile of each other! How could he not have seen it? He saw it now, too clear for any kind of comfort.  
She’d hated Duo, loathed him, and what had just been beginning between them. She had taken her chance and forced herself into Duo’s place and Heero had let her. He’d barely even noticed at the time because Duo had-  
“Heero?” Quatre finally stopped talking it through with the others and Heero stood up and started walking away briskly. He felt frustration as Wu Fei started following him quickly.  
“I know your rage my friend, I feel it too, but we cannot act until-” Trowa put himself between Wu Fei and Heero as Heero turned down the hall and into the men’s room.  
“Stay with Quatre.” Trowa told Wu Fei as he followed Heero into the restroom. Wu Fei stood there, startled and confused. Had he said the wrong thing?   
The sound of Heero retching was enough to turn him around and start him walking back towards Quatre. It wasn’t something he had said. Heero had looked like he had been lost in thought, but perhaps it was still too much for their friend. They’d let their comrade be replaced, by that woman, they’d dishonored his memory. It was shameful, more so now that it turned out to all be lies. Of course, Heero would be overwhelmed. Especially considering how things had been developing between him and Duo. Even he hadn’t been blind to their connection.  
“We should have seen.” Wu Fei cursed himself, surprised when Quatre answered.  
“We didn’t want to.” Quatre’s tears were spent, but the tracks were still visible on his face. “We didn’t want him to be dead, so we filled that void. We loved him, and she counted on that, she used it against all of us. She played us perfectly.” Quatre knew the self loathing Heero was feeling, he felt it, too.  
Wu Fei acknowledged Quatre’s insight, agreeing. No matter how Duo had annoyed him, he had been a comrade. He had respected Duo, had known the jesters mask for what it was and had long ago realized that he was not the fool he played at.  
“Still, we should have seen.” Wu Fei sat down to wait again, furious with no outlet for it and no actions to take.  
“Yes.” Quatre agreed, sitting down too and hearing Heero, just around the corner, coming back with Trowa. “We should have.”

Hours later Heero stood abruptly as the doors finally opened, Wu Fei stood with him, and Quatre and Trowa got up moments later as they woke up. They had been dozing as they leaned against each other and Heero had envied them the ability to do so. He was too anxious to even try and rest his eyes. But now the doors opened and several nurses were pushing Duo out. The doctor was trailing them, exhausted, wary on his feet and rubbing his face.  
Heero shoved himself next to Duo’s side and looked down at such a brilliant being now cradled in the white sheets, looking so small and skinny and hollow. Even thought he was unconscious, he looked so tired. As if he had just come out the other side of a fierce battle. And hadn’t he? He needed rest. And Heero would make sure he got it, he could watch over him.  
“He’ll be monitored closely, but we really won’t be able to see what damage was done until he regains consciousness.” The doctor told Quatre. Heero barely heard them. He stayed next to Duo, flashing the nurses an angry glare that made them jump when they tried to shoo him away.  
One of them looked back at the doctor who nodded his permission, still talking to Quatre and Trowa while Heero walked next to Duo and Wu Fei followed him. By the grace of Quatre’s name alone, Duo had been granted a private room and that was where they took him now.  
At Wu Fei’s request one of the nurses went to round up more chairs and Heero took the only one in the room and pulled it up next to Duo’s bed while his IV’s were set up and his heart monitor was attached and stationed next to his bed on his other side. Heero settled down, knowing Duo wasn’t about to wake up that moment, no matter how much he wished it. Heero looked around briefly to find Wu Fei already asleep in a chair and two more sitting next to his. Heero shifted and crossed him arms, he tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes. Just for a moment, a four-hour nap. Just enough so he would be cognizant when Duo did wake up. Quatre and Trowa would be there soon, just a quick nap.

Duo didn’t let his breathing change, he kept his heart rate down, kept his eyes closed and kept his body lax and pliable. It was an old tactic, if he’d been captured, he could wake without letting the enemy know, could wake and attack before anyone was the wiser.  
But that wasn’t why he was using said tactic now. Instead he was slowly letting his mind bubble up to the surface. He was foggy, fuzzy, dizzy, and all other kinds of words that ended in ‘y’ but what he was actually perusing was memory. A good solid memory of where he was, who he was with, and what condition he was in. He was trying to figure out a million answers to a million other questions that his mind was spewing at him instead of information. He was filled up with questions that had no answers and he really didn’t like that. He needed answers before he opened his eyes, because the questions he had would have either really good answers, or devastating ones. And he needed to be prepared for either.  
Aykan, hair, Fake, not fake, real? Duo still didn’t let his eyes open like he wanted them to. Didn’t give into the urge or the yearning that was holding him tight, he just tried to think it out before he set himself up for another heart wrenching disappointment.  
How many mornings had he woken up just like this, in his cell, believing whole heatedly that his dreams had actually been real this time? How many times had he woken up and had to go through another day of torture with hope still lingering, its hold on him making everything worse? How many times had he had to go to sleep again with the wish for death hanging over him, heavy and suffocating? How many times had he cursed his own luck for dodging death?  
So, Duo tried to take in other information, information his eyes couldn’t give him just now. Tried to figure out this riddle before he sustained another wound that broke him down further.  
Pain? Mostly gone. The lingering headache was nothing compared to what he had been feeling, for what must have been weeks now. What had been building in his each and every waking moment, it was so much less that it was almost enough in itself to make him open his eyes in relief. But he kept them closed anyway.  
Smell? It smelled like his cell, but didn’t. It was the same smell that comes from an overuse of disinfectant, but it also held other smells underneath it. Smells that weren’t mold, weren’t grime and rust. Those smells made up the prison, but they weren’t here in this place.  
Sounds? The sound of a lot of people just beyond the walls around him. The same as his cell, but they were different sounds. Not the sounds of rage and anger. Of crazed men and women held too long behind bars, in cages. These were soft sounds, happy voices and casual movements. No screaming at all.  
And finally, Duo let himself just feel. Let himself accept that tension he always held in his shoulders while he was wrapped in wires, tubes, and gauze. He hated prisons and hospitals with an equal passion, but the two felt completely different. He’d spent enough time in both to lean the differences.  
And what he felt now was saying hospital.  
Duo’s heart finally picked up speed against his will, hope springing to life inside him against his better judgment. He took a breath and let it out slowly, steeling himself, just in case.  
Duo opened his eyes.


	7. Steal

Duo stared up at the ceiling. It was dark, but there were lights on just beyond his vision so that he could see the ceiling and the top of the IV bag, but there was also a light on the wall over him that was off. It looked kind of eerie since it was turned off. Duo stared at the dark light and IV bag for a while, just staring at them, assuring himself that they were actually there while simultaneously waiting for them to disappear and his cell to reappear around him.  
He was so used to hallucinations and false hope that the truth seemed like a lie to him. Everything looked less real than it should have to him. He kept looking around for the little things that always clued him into reality, and he kept imagining that he saw them. A bit of rust, a blank wall, the smell of the mountain air mixed with urine.   
So, he stared, and stared hard. Absorbing details about the little pull cord for the light, the way the indirect light played in the IV bag. He kept staring till he was sure all these details wouldn’t fade away, till he was sure everything he saw was too clear to be a hallucination.  
Duo waited for it all to fade around him, and when it didn’t he began to twitch, to test his body slowly so he could see how far he could move. He began to try and find out more. He found that it hurt no matter what he did, but the hurt varied in degrees depending on what he moved. His neck protested loudly, as did his back, but his arms and hands were ready and willing to move for him.  
Duo actually had a passing thought that he should be grateful to Aykan for keeping him in top physical condition, for allowing him exercise and some semblance of his former training. Otherwise he might not be able to even move that much at this point. But the thought was brief and followed by a fresh bout of loathing that fueled Duo to try and move some more.  
It was the sides on his bed that really clued him into what was turning out to not be a delusion. He found the controls for his bed on the rails, and a call button. It looked just like he remembered it. He pushed one of the arrows and got the bed to start raising him up to a sitting position and found a window, a small bathroom and-  
Duo let the bed stop, let his hands fall to his sides and stared, open mouthed and wide eyed at Wu Fei, Trowa, Quatre…  
His heart rate jumped so quickly that Duo was surprised that he didn’t set off some kind of alarm on his heart monitor. Duo found his breathing coming in short gasps and the throbbing in his brain quickened and pounded to this sudden change in his body.  
Heero was here.  
Heero looked just as he’d left him. Just as he had that day that Duo had walked out the door with a casual wave over his shoulder. Just as he had when Duo had stolen one last glance at him in the reflection of the glass around the door.  
Heero still struck him, and it wasn’t just that he was handsome either, it was his mere presence, even asleep as he was now. Actually, all his friends were asleep. But Heero exuded something that called attention to him, that felt of danger and power. It was like watching a caged cat, something that looked tame, that seemed safe but in reality, was only inches away from ending you.  
Duo swallowed hard and tore his eyes away from Heero, allowing his mind to absorb his presence and try and move on. He looked to Wu Fei, to Quatre and Trowa, letting his gaze memorize how they looked.  
How Quatre’s head rested on Trowa’s shoulder and his hair fell across his face, curling and the brightest thing in the room. How Trowa looked the part of the gentle giant. Sloping from his chair with legs and arms sprawled, but gracefully. How even in sleep, Wu Fei still maintained his superior Zen state. His arms and legs folded neatly, his chin tilted to one side, his hair slicked back elegantly.  
Duo flinched at nothing, feeling a tick in his face that he couldn’t control. He felt edgy and nervous and it was way too quiet. Even with the sound of the other four men breathing. Even with the sound of people moving beyond this room. It was quiet and all he could hear was the rushing of his own blood in his ear.  
It was another little thing that clued Duo into the fact that he really was in this hospital. He would have heard the other prisoners by now. There was no screaming, no curses. No yelling back from the small security force to be quiet. And a very big lack of Aykan coming to check on him way too soon and bother him about how he was feeling after his experiment.  
But now, without the extra noise, the tension in Duo built and the panic started. The urge to move, to leave, to escape grew in him and started to blur his mind. Duo started to have wild thoughts. Thoughts he knew weren’t based anywhere in logic and all in panic. Fight or Flight began to fight a war in his mind, information flying through his brain. A part of him still thought he was in the prison and was screaming at him that this was his chance. His one and only chance to escape. And he had to take it now or lose it forever.  
And it won.  
Duo quickly disabled his heart monitor without setting it off and began taking the IV’s out of his arms. He let them fall away and tested his legs. They still moved at his will and he ever so quietly began to shift towards the edge of his bed. He tried not to get too much blood on the covers, but knew it was already a lost battle, he’d just have to wait for the little puncture wounds on his arms left by the IVs to close up on their own.  
The floor was cold and sent shivers up Duo’s spine, a very old, very timid part of him sprung back to life after being dead for so long. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to lie back down, curl up under the warm covers and let everything fall back on someone else’s shoulders. He had rarely, if ever, had this feeling. It was hard for him to hand the reigns over to someone else, but he had done it before.  
But the only ones he had ever trusted with the reigns besides himself were sitting right here. It was such a temptation, such a deep ache and that scared him into moving again more than anything else. He couldn’t give in to any temptations, he had to get out.  
Duo knew he would have the most trouble getting by Heero, he always had. He already knew he could get past the others easily without them even stirring in their sleep, he’d done it often enough before. But he’d only successfully crept by Heero a few times. The man was the definition of ‘hair trigger’.  
Duo took a deep breath and held it and began to glide his footsteps past Heero just a hairs breath above the floor. He stayed balanced on the balls of his feet using the soft pads to keep from making any sound. He moved with the slight sway of his hospital gown to keep the fabric from brushing against his skin and avoided the edge of his bed and the edge of Heero’s foot at the same time.  
He let his breath out ever so slowly as he inched past Wu Fei a little quicker and took in a new breath as he let his heels touch the floor while he walked past Trowa and Quatre. Duo was there, he was out and free. He could find cloths somewhere, trick the nurses he passed easily, could walk out the door and not have to worry about confrontation, discussions, meltdowns, breakdowns, conflicts, arguments, raised voices, embarrassment, and everything else that would snowball on him if his comrades woke just now.  
He would have made it too; he would have walked out the door and avoided the whole thing. Would have disappeared on the last people he’d thought he’d ever do that to. Would have let everything stay just the way it was hanging in that moment if he hadn’t turned as he passed the open door of the bathroom.  
The light outside the window was the gentle light of the early morning, when the sky was going from pale grey to palest pink. It was just enough light for Duo to see his reflection in the mirror that stared back out at him from the open door.  
The bathroom was pitch black but for that mirror, the room around him was barely lit, the effect it had made Duo stumbled, but what he saw in that mirror sent him right back into shock.  
He stood there, not caring how much sound his ragged breathing was making as he took shallow breaths that continued to grow quicker by the second. He stood stock still, not taking a step forward or back, just staring back at himself with his hair falling around his shoulders, but it only reached to his shoulder blades in tatters.  
Duo heard a sound escape his mouth, a kind of cry that was guttural and high at the same time. Strangled coming out of his mouth, his throat closing around it even as it escaped. He reached out to the mirror, touched nothing, and brought his shaking hand back to his body and started to reach up for a strand that fell forward.   
His hand shook violently and he found he couldn’t touch his hair. The sound came again, louder, but Duo didn’t notice. He fell forward to his knees, sinking further down with his knees turning out from his body. He reached up with both hands, shaking now from head to foot, shivering and feeling the sudden loss like a physical pain that he couldn’t really explain other than to let the sound out without trying to choke it back down.  
Duo grabbed fistfuls of his hair on both sides of his face, and remembered two sad faces staring down at him, crying for him, allowing him to cry. Two faces he could just barely remember, two faces he’d let die, stopped them from smiling. Sister Helen. Solo. They weren’t here anymore because of him!  
Duo heard the scream start in his throat, heard it fighting to get out, heard it building up, but something still held it back, something still wouldn’t let him have that moment where he could let all that was in him out. Something in him wouldn’t allow that kind of weakness in public wouldn’t let him mourn while he was trying to escape.

Heero came awake violently, a sound spitting the air around him and causing a forceful wave of anger, protectiveness and need crash through him. The first thing he saw was Duo, awake, out of bed, on the floor, pulling at what was left of his hair as a sound fought to get out of him. A sound Heero had never heard come out of Duo, one that never should. Something that was pure agony, pure pain.  
He was shaking, visibly shaking all down his back, his hands, his shoulders. Heero had a moment to wonder how Duo had gotten so far past him, and then he was up out of his chair and running for Duo.  
He could distantly hear Wu Fei, Trowa and Quatre coming awake, could hear them talking to each other, but he didn’t have time for that, he needed to get to Duo.  
Pure instinct took over, need on a level Heero had only ever secretly accepted that he held in himself. Need for another man, to keep him safe, warm, happy if only he was allowed. But Duo was here now, on the floor, leaning back into his arms as he gathered Duo to his chest and held him tightly. Holding on for both of them, holding Duo as he screamed.

Duo felt the arms around him, strong, sure, and there so suddenly holding him up. Holding him together while he shattered. It was like another shock, but of a different kind. Instead of adding to the force building inside him, it broke through everything and held him tight and safe. Allowing him to finally let go.  
Duo let his tears fall, let his scream become real, let the arms hold him and keep him there on earth, keep him real. Duo accepted the comfort they were offering, if only for now. He handed over the reigns to those familiar arms, amazed at this sudden touch he’d longed for, even as he allowed his grief to consume him. It was ok, just right then, to cry for the loss. To mourn and be vulnerable in front of so many people.  
Because he knew these arms, this man, would take care of it all, would watch his back through this. Heero would help him.  
Duo turned at that point, the arms letting him, urging him to. And Duo flung himself at Heero, screaming into his shoulder and allowing his rage to join his grief. The pain doubled, tripled, leapt through him at alarming rates, but Duo just held on to Heero, willing this to be real, for his mind to know the truth, even in all the pain it wrought on him. His fingers dug into Heero’s back and his hands fisted in his shirt as he held on as tightly as he could.  
This was real. Even in his hallucinations Heero had never been this warm, this firm, had never smelled of soap, gun oil and that subtle spicy scent that was specifically Heero. After all his waiting, after he’d given up, through all this pain and after he’d accepted death, he was finally in Heero’s arms.


	8. Loss

Duo could faintly hear voices, and even as he willed them to go away, to leave him alone, they grew stronger and recognizable. He clutched at Heero, tears silent now and shaking more from cold now than shock. Duo rubbed his face back and forth in the front of Heero’s shirt, a sort of silent resolution to be left alone, to stay right where he was, even if no one was really talking to him right at that moment. It was more like the talk was all over his head, all about him, even though he was right there.  
It wasn’t until a low rumble in Heero’s chest that meant he was answering the voices, that Duo tried to pay attention.  
“We need to get him off the floor Heero, he’s cold and the doctor won’t be turned away next time.” A voice warned Heero and Duo wondered why whoever was speaking was taking that tone with Heero. It was a foolish thing to do; Duo knew that all too well.  
“Shut up, Quatre.” Was Heero’s only answer and it almost brought a smile to Duo’s lips. It was exactly what Duo would have predicted would have happened. Heero hadn’t changed. And that was so reassuring.  
“Heero, please my friend, let us get him back in bed.” Wu Fei’s voice, Duo turned his face away from the blissful darkness that was Heero’s neck and chest to allow his anger to show and glare at the other pilots standing over them.  
“Duo?” Trowa kneeled next to them and Duo followed him with his eyes, trying to convey without moving or speaking just how upset he was that they were trying to stop the only thing that was holding him together right now.  
But then Heero moved, and Duo knew he was trying to see his face and for that Duo eased up a little so that he could suddenly look back into those Cobalt eyes. The surprise was there for both of them, as well as a certain amount of anxiety.   
“Duo?” Heero’s voice was clear now that Duo wasn’t pressed so tightly to him anymore. Duo raised his eyebrows in response, still nervous about trying to put together a sentence. But of course, Heero seemed to understand, as he always had. “Are you ok now? Can I put you on the bed? You’re cold.”  
Duo thought about leaving Heero’s arms, about being back on the hospital bed and probably reattached to the IVs. It wasn’t very appealing, but neither was this cold seeping closer and closer through his skin and into his bones. And once it was there it would be a very long time before he was ever completely warm again.  
Since Heero showed no signs of leaving his side, Duo nodded and bowed his head down, admitting defeat. His escape foiled by his own incapability.  
He was just preparing to stand when he found himself suddenly lifted off the floor and carried towards the bed in Heero’s arms. It was enough to finally surprise words from him.  
“Hey, I can-” Duo choked on the words as his throat protested being taken off its vacation while he’d been unconscious. His voice was raspy and weak and his tongue felt rough and dry.  
Quatre was instantly there with a little plastic cup with a bendy straw that turned out to have cool water in it. Duo sipped as Heero took over tucking him into the hospital bed. Duo loathed the skimpy covers and their lack of heat even when tucked tightly around him by Heero, he longed for something warmer, though he could barely remember what it was like to have a quilt to curl under.  
“Thank you.” Duo was pleased that his voice came back easily and he cleared his throat for good measure.  
“Duo,” Quatre was standing on one side of the bed with Heero on the other and Wu Fei and Trowa lingering at the foot.  
“Hm?” Duo asked, looking back and forth between concerned faces, wasn’t he allowed to breakdown even once without getting grief over it?  
“Duo, your hand.” The moment Heero said it Duo realized he’d been running his hand through what was left of his hair ever since the voices of the other pilots had become clear.  
“Sorry.” Duo muttered and ducked his head again, a frown nesting itself between his eyebrows.   
Duo was surprised when Heero’s hand came into his line of vision and collected his own. The warmth there was more than he was getting from the flimsy sheets on his bed so he allowed himself that comfort he normally would have turned away. While at the same time assuring himself that it had nothing to do with the fact that it was Heero’s hand and not someone else’s.  
“You do realize they’re going to have to put all the needles back in.” Trowa’s smirk was evident in his voice and Duo couldn’t help it as a twin smirk appeared on his own face.  
“Don’t you just love hospitals.” Duo let the sarcasm drip from his words, liking the reassuring squeeze he got from Heero. The touch of someone else that wasn’t a punch, a kick, or an alcohol swab was almost overwhelming, but Duo couldn’t bring himself to try and rest and risk the loss of that touch.  
Duo didn’t notice the awkward silence until he looked up again when no one spoke right away. The looks that passed between everyone else in the room made his shoulders tense up, and he waited for the other shoe to drop.  
“Duo, about your hair-” Wu Fei started and Duo commended his bravery silently before cutting him off.  
“It’s ok, I remember now. It just… I was just-” Duo tried not to let the words stick, but he kept coming up short. “The length is a little s-shocking.” Duo almost lost control of the sob and might have lost it again if Heero hadn’t suddenly squeezed his hand and drawn his attention. The look on Heero’s face, as if all he wanted to do was crawl into the bed with Duo and hold him again, while at the same time looking like he wanted to hurt someone for this. It let Duo pull his fraying edges together again and take deep breaths until the sob threatening escape was secured again.  
That was when the doctor came back with two nurses and found them all poised over Duo, without wires or IV’s. He started to order everyone to leave, but the looks he got back made him rethink his tone, he cleared his throat and then asked for everyone but Heero to leave for a bit.  
The nurses ended up working around Heero to get the heart monitor reattached and the IV’s back under Duo’s skin. Duo flinched and shied away from the foreign touches, clutching at Heero’s hand in a way that had pilot 01 scaring the nurses with his glare. The two women skirted out of the room as soon as they were done and left the doctor to finish.  
He explained that they would be keeping Duo for a time for observation and that Heero was allowed to stay past visiting hours but that everyone else would have to concede to the preset times. Duo also got a short lecture on trying to leave the hospital before doctor’s orders and without proper paper work and Heero was the one to reassure the doctor that it wouldn’t be happening again.  
Duo ducked his head as the doctor left and waited for Heero to say something, he could feel the tension rolling off Heero, even as he held on to his hand, gently, but firmly. Obviously not intent on letting go anytime soon. He didn’t have to wait long.  
“You were really going to leave, weren’t you?” Heero’s voice was so sad that Duo jerked his head up and was rewarded with a near blinding pain in his neck. He hissed and let Heero help lower him back while he thought out his answer.  
“Yeah, I was.” Duo finally fell back on the truth, Heero deserved that.  
“Why?” Duo felt pain at that one question that wasn’t from Aykan’s stupid experiment. It was hearing the pain and betrayal in Heero’s voice.  
“I don’t really know.” Duo admitted, his mind had lost that train of thought that had reasoned his leaving as logical. At the time it had made so much sense just to stay dead to them. Weren’t they happier without him, Aykan had said he’d gotten messages from Peacecraft telling him how much he wasn’t missed, how easy it was to pass off his abduction as death.  
“I can’t lose you again.” Duo almost hadn’t heard the admission from Heero; he’d only caught it because there were no other noises to interfere.   
“Heero?” Duo wanted to ask something, something he’d been building up to before his ‘death’. About what he was sure had been growing between them. A feeling that had been almost tangible that morning he’d left for work. But just then the words wouldn’t come, he couldn’t bring himself to ask and find out he’d been wrong. Especially after all this time when surely Heero had moved on.  
Heero was waiting, expectantly, perched on the edge of a chair pulled up next to the hospital bed, staring at him with what might be tears in the corners of his eyes.  
Duo swallowed hard and pushed the question back, pulling another one out instead. “Is Aykan… is he-”  
“Dead.” Heero’s eyes went darker blue and Duo knew Heero had been the one to do it with that one look.  
Duo nodded, pain making the movement slow and jerky. Duo flinched and lay as still as he could. But when he did that exhaustion played around the edges of his brain and made his eyes heavy. He’d been so awake only a moment ago, had been ready to run; now he wasn’t sure how his eyes were staying open.  
“Sleep?” It was a question of what Duo wanted and what Duo needed, Heero asked everything with just one word. Let Duo know that Heero would help him, would do whatever he wanted. Even if Duo asked him to go steal caffeine pills so he could stay awake. Or if he wanted Heero to keep watch for him while he rested. It was the silent promise from years of fighting side by side. Duo fought to stay awake, to keep his eyes on Heero, to stay where everything was real and resembled what he’d always secretly whished for, but it was a losing battle that he finally had to admit to.  
Duo nodded with a small murmur and let himself slip away, telling his body with one last thought that he was not letting Heero’s hand go and his muscles locked for him as he fell asleep. It was only because Heero was here that he could let himself sleep at all. But he was determined to wake up with Heero still there, it was the only way he’d know that this was real, that he wouldn’t wake up back in the prison.

Heero pulled the chair closer to the bed under him and settled down for a long day, he wasn’t going to leave Duo alone, nor was Duo about to let him go either, so he just sat and waited for the others to come back.   
Quatre’s tentative knock came when visiting hours kicked in and Heero kept his voice low, telling them to come in. They all gathered on one side of the bed around Heero, speaking almost in a whisper. And though everyone’s yes kept drifting over to Duo, assuring them all that he was still there, scrutinizing over his diminished form and his weakened state, they concentrated on the new task at hand.  
“We have to leave, we’ll be back later this evening, before visiting hours are over, but we have a lot of work to do.” Quatre explained. Heero nodded, knowing exactly what task lay before them now.  
Trowa smiled and made it Heero raise an eyebrow as Wu Fei said a quiet goodbye and left ahead of the couple. Quatre smiled, ready to say goodbye but also fit to burst with his first bit of news, which explained the knowing smile on Trowa’s face.  
“We’ve already frozen her accounts and hacked all her computers.” Quatre smiled, showing all teeth and intent. Heero was sure they’d gotten this done only in the short time the doctor had them leave. “She’s going to be pissed.”  
Heero nodded, his face grim, and said goodbye to Quatre and Trowa, leaving the task to them and Wu Fei until he could get Duo safely out of here. Then he was going after the woman himself!


	9. Anger

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘NO MONEY’?” Relena screamed.  
“Please don’t scream Miss Relena, we’re trying to fix it right now, but the computers all seem to be down and our calls still aren’t getting through.” Miss Sylar looked positively disheveled, but it was lost on Relena who was fit to start pulling out her hair. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. If she could just get a hold of Heero, just talk to him, she was sure she could fix this. But none of their calls were making out and he was acting like a child if he wasn’t taking her calls right now. Didn’t the past three years mean anything to him? He should at least want to hear what she had to say, he loved her after all.  
Relena’s eyes whipped over to the front doors where a group of five people where leaving with boxes in their arms and angry expressions on their faces. The front doors were still guarded, keeping Relena from leaving. But the preventor agents weren’t stopping her people from leaving. It made her blood boil. And seeing suspicious eyes watching her every move as she walked over was humiliating.  
“Where are you going?” Relena tried not to yell, tried to sound diminutive and confused. She was surprised when she only got glares back. She hadn’t been rude to them at all, in fact she was sure she hadn’t seen any of them since that morning when she’d walked in and greeted everyone, like she did every morning.  
“We quit.” A woman, Allison something starting with a D, sneered at her. Relena stared open mouth as they walked out, personal belongings and probably a good amount of office supplies packed into their boxes.  
“Bitch.” Was verbally thrown at her by Brad- no, Brandon just as the door closed.  
“What’s going on?” Relena demanded, turning back on her secretary.   
The flustered woman ran off with a muttered, “I’ll find out Miss.” But she really just looked like she wanted to get away from Relena.  
Relena seethed in anger and stomped her foot before turning and going back into her office to try her own computer again.  
Miles away Quatre smiled at his own computer screen in satisfaction before shutting off the live feed to Relena’s office and opening another e-mail to send to more of her staff. 

Duo woke, but didn’t open his eyes. He needed a chance to think before he was bombarded again. He could still feel Heero’s hand in his own, warm, calloused and bigger than his. Duo knew these hands too well to mistake them for someone else’s. It was more reassuring then if he’d opened his eyes and found the hospital room rather than his cell. And it wasn’t just lying in his passively, Heero was holding his hand. And it was in a way that let Duo know that not only was he wide awake, but he was keeping watch. He was protecting Duo.   
It gave Duo a chance he was grateful for, he just needed to think, just for a few minutes. Sleep was good, he felt better each time he woke and the doctor kept waking him to check his vitals and ask him cognizant testing questions. The only two things that really bothered him were his lack of music which kept his level of anxiety up and the absence of his braid.   
Duo’s hand jerked, wanting to touch his hair. He kept touching it, checking to see if it really was gone. As if one time he might reach up and it wouldn’t be true. Maybe one time he’d reach up and his braid would still be there. Still woven just as Sister Helen had showed him, still swinging ready to be playfully tugged by Father Maxwell when he forgot something.  
Still as long as it had been when he’d run the streets with Solo and the other orphans.  
Duo heard the heart monitor speeding up again, not that it was ever going to get down to normal levels while he was without music, and knew that there was no pretending anymore.  
He opened his eyes as Heero squeezed his hand and started to get up out of his chair. Duo shook his head a little, still wary about the action since it still brought him pain, and muttered, “No, I’m ok.”   
His voice was gravely and Heero fetched his little cup and straw from a side table and helped him sip some water. Duo gave him a small smile in thanks and stared up at the ceiling.  
“You’re not.” Heero said, drawing Duo’s eyes back to him.  
“Huh?” Duo asked, articulately.  
“You’re not ok.” Heero clarified. “You nearly died and you’re still in pain.” Heero seemed to wilt around the edges and Duo squeezed his hand tightly, trying to find a way to say what he was feeling without it sounding completely ridiculous.  
“It’s not that Heero, I can handle a little pain. Hell, I can handle a lot of pain; have been for a long time now.” Heero flinched and asked a question with his eyes at the same time, an amazing accomplishment Duo thought. “It’s…”  
Duo couldn’t believe he was actually choking up again, was it Heero’s presence? Or was it that he was finally free and that meant that everything he’d been holding back was free to come out as well?  
“Duo?” Heero leaned closer, his eyes going soft with concern and Duo felt even more foolish as he finally stuttered out, “M-my hair.”  
For a second Heero’s eyes widened in confusion and Duo was sure he’d implode as the blood rushed to his face even as his tears gave way again and he grew dizzy from the sudden shift inside his body.  
“I k-know how it sounds.” Duo gasped between sobs, “I know it’s stupid.”  
Heero shoved the sidebars of Duo’s bed down and practically climbed into bed with him as he gathered as much of Duo against him as he could, “It’s not stupid Duo! It’s not!”  
“It’s just that-” Duo didn’t seem to hear Heero, just plowed on. “Sister Helen and Father Maxwell and Solo!” The words wouldn’t come, he couldn’t explain to Heero why this meant so much, why it hurt so much that his braid was gone.   
Heero muttered comforting words against Duo’s forehead as he rocked him gently and Duo fisted his hands into Heero’s cloths and held on while his sobs shook his body. The words meant nothing since Duo couldn’t make them out over the pounding in his head and his own sobs, but the mere sound of Heero’s voice was comfort enough that Duo eventually regained control.  
He started to pull away, but didn’t try too hard when Heero kept a hold of him. “I know… I know hair grows and that eventually I’ll get it back. But, I haven’t cut my hair since-”  
Heero nodded against him and Duo was surprised to find that he actually was sure that Heero understood. That he got it and that he well and truly knew everything Duo had been trying to say to him.  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough to stop him. I know it’s not enough,” Heero’s voice was only slightly muffled by Duo’s hair, “But it’s all I can offer.” Duo shook his head a little, it hadn’t been Heero’s fault and he didn’t blame him for not saving his hair. Especially since he had gotten Duo out and away from Aykan! This little things shouldn’t be something Heero should feel bad about.  
“I know, Heero.” Duo couldn’t think of anything else to say. Every thing was rushing back to him, what they’d almost had before that day, what he’d heard from Aykan about his funeral and the events that had followed; his anger and despair as well as his love and yearning.   
He loved Heero.  
Duo loved him so much so much, loved him now as he had then, maybe more. But a large part of him wasn’t ready to offer forgiveness to anyone, not just yet. He whished he could, whished he could just forget everything and fall back into Heero’s arms as if the last four and a half years had never happened. But they had, and nothing was going to fix what he’d undergone. What had been done to him. What had been done to all of them.  
And worse, he didn’t know how Heero felt. This could just be the offered comfort of a close friend. Maybe, if he remembered things correctly, maybe Heero had been starting to feel things for him, too. But that was years ago, and Heero had thought him dead. So, wouldn’t he let those feelings go? If they had been there at all in the first place?  
Duo had pinned in that prison, alone. For years. Convinced Heero and their friends would forget all about him now that he was ‘dead’. Unlike them, his life had been put on hold, just like everyone else in that wretched place.  
That brought his thoughts around to the prison for the first time since he’d woken to find everyone asleep in his room. He jerked back from Heero, making the other man let him go and look at him.  
“Aykan’s dead, but what about everyone else? The guards, the inmates?” Duo demanded, faces springing to mind of the few men and women he’d gotten along with. Of the guards that had helped sedate him, broken up fights brutally, kicked him unnecessarily, and the few other ‘events’ that hadn’t been uncommon, especially since almost everyone who had been sent there were ex-soldiers.   
Duo shivered but never took his eyes off Heero, watching Heero’s eyes for something, anything that might give him a clue as to what was going on outside this room while he lay here, recovering.  
“Wu Fei and Une are taking care of things.” Heero almost seemed ready to pass that off as his only answer, but then his arms sagged in defeat. He knew how much Duo needed this information. As much as Heero would need it in his place.   
“The guards are being kept in a spare bunker while Une sorts through the files for the inmates first. Wu Fei is leading a team of trusted agents, helping her.” And she would be looking for proof, some kind of a paper trail. Anything linking Relena to all of this that the pilots might be able to use  
“Oh, ok.” Duo relaxed a little, he could feel sleep creeping up on him again. He hated this, the way he was so awake one minute and so tired the next! He was so ready to be gone from here. He didn’t even care that he really had nowhere to go home to, he just wanted to be out of a hospital. He’d been in that prison for the last four and a half years, and what were hospitals, but another kind of prison? A place they kept you that was depressingly sterile and isolated.  
“Tell Une that if she needs any help with information on the other inmates, I got to interact with them on a regular basis. I remember a lot of them.” Duo knew he wouldn’t be turned out on the streets though, especially not now. Never mind that he was probably going to be offered a place with Heero, Quatre, Trowa and Wu Fei, there was no way Une would just let him walk away from something like this.  
“I will.” Heero promised him. “I’ll give Wu Fei a call later.”  
Duo nodded, just a little one, and settled back again to doze. “I also remember some of the ones that died... um, were killed.” He flinched a little as he admitted to that, he didn’t want those deaths he knew about to haunt his dreams, not just now. Maybe he’d be safe with just a nap till the nurse came with his lunch. Heero’s hand was still solid and warm in his own. A tether to the now, where he was free and safe.  
Heero nodded again to let Duo know he had heard him and would tell Wu Fei that as well. But he didn’t ask questions about what Duo had seen and he was grateful for that. Going into details now really would give him nightmares. And he was really tired.  
He vaguely wondered if everything Aykan had said was true while his mind started to go fuzzy. If even half of what Aykan had told him was true than he was going to have to talk with all of them about it, soon. Just as soon as he got out of this hospital.  
As Duo drifted off, he comforted himself with thoughts that he’d jerked away from Aykan enough to keep a good amount of his hair away from the lunatic’s scissors. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. He still probably had enough for a small braid at least.

Heero held tightly to Duo’s hand, pain thrumming through his chest again. Quatre kept sending him updates on his cell phone; apparently, he’d already gotten a good deal of that woman’s staff to quit. Not to mention he’d actually cut power to most of the building now while he sorted through that woman’s computer files at his leisure.  
Heero didn’t know what Trowa was doing, but Quatre told him not to worry and Heero had to leave him to it. Right now, this was his place. But he did have a few ideas for Quatre until he could join them. He pulled out his cell phone, careful to avoid the eye of the watchful nurses and started sending messages to first Quatre and then Wu Fei.


	10. Anxiety

“Got them.” Trowa told Quatre over the secure line they’d set up. “I got them all, but believe me, it wasn’t easy. Looks like she didn’t want these to be found. Ever.” Trowa was out in the field while Quatre worked from home.   
“Well, we know why now.” Quatre was fooling around in Relena’s data storage now that he had full access and she had none. He wasn’t the expert that Heero and Duo were, but he wasn’t without talent. He’d periodically delete whole files while searching for something that linked her to Aykan. Some files he made copies of before deleting them, just so they would have info on her contacts and proof of links to them too. But he was frustrated that she actually seemed to hold a little talent for hiding her own dirty laundry. It was rage fueled destruction as he navigated her hard drives, but quite orderly chaos. “Did you get both copies?”  
“Hard and soft.” Trowa answered and Quatre could hear the sound of a smile in his voice and it made him smile in return. “I’m headed back now. Love you.”  
“I love you.” Quatre replied and hung up. He continued trashing more and more files. “Don’t need that, don’t need that either, hmm.” Quatre ran across more encrypted files. He felt a thrill at being able to use an old program that Duo had written back in the day to crack them wide open. It felt like justice that Duo was having a proxy hand in this. He quickly ran through all the security and found-  
“Well, well, well Miss Peacecraft, terminations and transportations in the same folder? Aren’t we rather full of ourselves!” It was way too juicy not to talk out loud to himself as he rolled his shoulders and began to copy just what he needed. The fact that Relena kept the two together spoke of how sure she was that no one could hack her system. Too bad for her that the very people she had asked to create the security for her system were the very ones who were tearing it down now.  
Quatre smirked to himself as he followed the trail she had left behind. She was going to lead him right to everything he needed and she was too blind to see this coming. 

Duo waited patiently now, hands running unconsciously through his hair. He couldn’t stop doing that now, even though he wanted to. Heero had gone on one of his rare trips to the hospital cafeteria while Duo had dozed after his lunch, and Duo saw that his tray hadn’t been taken yet which meant now was probably his only chance.  
Duo heard the woman who delivered meals and collected trays, Maureen, in the next room; She was just about the sweetest woman he’d ever met. In her late forties she called everyone ‘baby’, had two grown up children that she talked about every chance she got, and had instantly succumbed to Duo’s charm. That is, when he’d finally been awake and well enough to put it on.  
Now that was about to pay off! Maureen walked in to collect his tray. “Hi Baby!” She said, her voice was high, but not unpleasant, it suited her just right with her short brown hair, her dangly earrings and her pleasant disposition about everything.   
“You’re looking great today, how are you feeling?”  
Duo gave her a big smile, trying not to let it wilt at the edges. “A lot better, just wishing I had a radio.”  
“Oh yeah? You like music?” Maureen placed his tray on her cart, which was just as big as she was.  
“I love it. Is there some rule against listening to anything but soap operas and sports in this hospital or something, because that’s all I’ve heard sine I got here?” Duo grinned as he gestured to the sad TV up on the wall and Maureen laughed.  
“Oh, I know, I’m getting so tired of Kim and Jenny sleeping with Drake and then finding out they’re all related.” Maureen laughed and Duo couldn’t help the surprise laugh that jumped out of his mouth. So far, she’d been the only one who could get a real laugh out of him, and he’s only talked to her a few short times. She was just so refreshing. She didn’t want anything from him except small talk, and he hated to admit what a relief that was, but everyone else seemed to be silently demanding for him to spit out his soul. To wallow in his circumstances. It had been a mistake crying over his hair, he really shouldn’t have leaned on Heero so hard. Now, whenever his friends visited, it looked like they were waiting for him to break down again.  
But Duo just couldn’t do that, he liked moving on. He liked picking himself up and going back out into the fray. Dwelling on what had been, what could have been, that just lead to darkness and helplessness. Duo prided himself on being able to roll with the punches. But his friends weren’t helping him roll.  
“You know what?” Maureen came in close as if she knew a secret, even if she was talking too loud for it to be anything even close to a secret.  
“What?” Duo asked, conspiratorially with her.  
“There’s an old radio in the room where we put these carts. I can bring it to you.” Maureen smiled at him and Duo felt relief and gratefulness flood through him.  
“Really? Could I maybe use it?” Duo sagged back into his pillows and let his eyes shine at her, making them just a little extra big so he looked pitifully hopeful.  
“Well, sure baby! Heaven forbid you should have to overhear all these sordid love affairs and have none of your own.” Duo snorted and she patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll be back just as soon as I collect the last of the lunch trays, ok baby?”  
Duo thanked her again and hoped she’d be back before Heero.  
She wasn’t, but luckily for him Heero got some message from Quatre that was apparently urgent because he excused himself in quite a hurry and promised not to be gone long as he went halfway down the hallway. Far enough away that Duo could hear his voice, but not what he was talking about.  
Heero was also doing a lot of that, hovering. As if Duo might break into a million pieces if he was gone from his side for too long. Actually, Heero was practically living here and Duo was starting to wonder how that was working with Heero’s job and life. Didn’t he have stuff to do? Now that Duo was better, shouldn’t he be respecting visiting hours instead of still insisting that he stay the night to watch over him?  
Maureen came back with the radio soon after Heero had left again and handed it over to him. It was small, a speaker and two dials. One for station one for sound. The little station indicator was a printed circle around the top dial with little numbers that were faded station indicators and the sound also doubled for an on/off switch. There was a small loop of nylon that was just big enough to fit around someone’s wrist, Duo tried it out and found that Maureen had also tracked down some batteries, or bought them from the gift shop, and it was working just fine.  
“Thank you, Maureen!” Duo could already feel the tension leaving his back as the small note of a song drifted out of the tiny speaker.  
“You’re welcome, Baby. Just don’t let the doctor find it, they might take it away from you.” Maureen winked.  
“Don’t worry, watch.” Duo put it under his blanket near the speaker for his TV and turned it on with the volume for the TV turned all the way down. “See, it’s like the sound is coming from the TV, but it’s so low, no one can tell the difference.”  
“No one but you.” Maureen smiled big, “Oh, that’s cleaver! Well, there you go.” Maureen gripped his shoulder and squeezed. He liked that feeling, and he liked the radio even more. He missed that kind of relaxed and easiness that he used to have with Heero. How could he have it with Maureen, a perfect stranger, and not his oldest friends?  
“Well, my shift’s over now, I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.” Maureen waved once more at the door and left. Duo caught himself still waving after she’d gone from sight and quickly tucked his hand down under his covers. He listened to the soft music coming from the radio and it felt like cracks in his soul were being smoothed over. He needed a better station before some commercials came on; those just jacked his heart rate right back up. But even just this little bit of music was helping. Duo flipped all the way down to the FM eight’s and found a classical station. He’d long ago learned to appreciate it for its long songs and short commercial time. Not to mention the lack of lyrics helped his mind calm down faster, classical music was perfect to sleep to.  
Duo nestled down till the flimsy covers were up to his chin, providing the optimal amount of warmth they were capable of giving and listened. His heart monitor had already slowed, and it went even lower as he began to drift on the music. He had a machine that clicked on every once in a while, and printed out wavy lines that were supposed to be his brain activity, and that probably showed him finally calming down as well.

Duo was quietly dozing, restfully, when Heero came back. He walked softly into the room and instantly noted the change in machines around Duo. What had happened in the short time he had been gone? Heero took his seat again saw that the TV was on. It was the first time Duo had left it on since he’d been here. They went through bouts of Duo trying to find something he could stand watching, but it usually ended with him turning the thing off in frustration. Maybe he was getting bored. Heero was reluctant to bring Duo a book or let him use his laptop. He was supposed to be resting and recovering and the doctor had warned against activities that might strain the muscles in his eyes. It would enflame the nerves and might give Duo double vision or increase his intercranial pressure.  
Heero could remember a hospital incident that had involved Wu Fei, Duo and a broken TV remote. It was from years ago, but even then, Duo hadn’t had patience for day time TV or being trapped in a hospital.  
Heero smiled at the memory and sat back, waiting for Duo to fall asleep. He didn’t have to wait long; Duo’s mind seemed to finally settle down and Heero was surprised to see the little movements against his eyelids that indicated REM sleep.  
Heero was reassured seeing that so he decided to try and let Duo get some proper rest. Duo kept fighting it, even at night. He always seemed so keyed up, and the doctors wanted him to rest more so his body could heal. Maybe he was finally tired enough to sleep for longer than a few hours.   
Heero reached over and turned off the TV and then the lights so that the only light they had was from the thin beams that were sneaking in past the window blinds. But when he got back to his chair to settle down for his own nap, he found that there was still sound coming from somewhere.  
He was sure it had been the TV that had been making the constant drone from near Duo. He leaned over and listened, the sound was deffinently coming from Duo, but from where exactly. The speakers near his bed were dead silent, but he was sure that he heard muffled music.  
Heero moved Duo’s pillow ever so slightly, nothing. He moved the bed covers and found a little radio next to Duo’s shoulder. Heero frowned in confusion and reached out to move it and turn it off so Duo could get some rest, he’d ask Duo when he woke up later where it had come from. But the moment he moved it Duo woke, eyes flashing open, hand shooting out to catch Heero’s wrist and he actually yelled, “NO!!!”  
Heero froze, Duo froze, surprise on Heero’s face and anger on Duo’s. It was the first time Duo had displayed anger or hostility since waking and realizing he wasn’t in the prison anymore.  
Duo was breathing hard; he looked to be in pain and the instant reaction and panic had made his heart leap so that he was right back up to where he’d been the day before. When his doctor had been worried about the constant level of stress Duo seemed to be maintaining. His ‘brain machine’ was also going haywire now. Duo’s eyes seemed to fade back in on themselves and it was like he blinked and saw that it was Heero holding the radio and not someone else. But he didn’t let go.  
Heero did. He gently let the radio slip from his fingers and Duo let go of his wrist and took it back and tucked it under his covers again, turning on the TV silently to account for the constant sound. Now he wasn’t looking at Heero, a kind of defensive air settling around him and Heero couldn’t work it out.  
“Where did you get that?” Heero finally opted to take the risk and ask the first question.  
“A friend brought it for me.” Duo stated cryptically.  
“Quatre?” Heero asked, raising an eyebrow, Wu Fei and Trowa were too far away to have brought it just today and actually, he was sure Quatre was too. He’d just talked to the blonde who was still conducting their secret mission from his home office.  
“None of your beeswax.” The words fell right out of Duo’s mouth, and Heero remembered hearing the same expression from Maureen just the day before.  
Heero blinked. Once… twice… three times. Duo opted to stay silent, but Heero could practically feel Duo daring him to push the subject. Heero thought of many things to say, but dismissed most of them knowing that Duo would respond as if he were being threatened.  
“It’s pretty old.” Heero observed, trying to be passive about it; most music devices now were sleek and small with headphones instead of speakers.  
“It works.” Duo answered defensively, settling his hand over it protectively.  
“I’m not-” Heero sighed, “I don’t understand why it’s so important.” Heero finally admitted, Duo hadn’t really reacted to anything else so strongly, not since he had seen his own reflection, it didn’t make sense to him.  
“It- it’s not the radio.” Duo really didn’t seem to want to admit anything, but he had always had a hard time letting silence go. And Heero was relieved that he was still answering him.  
“What is it then?” Heero asked, willing his face to remain understanding long enough for Duo to get this out.  
“It’s the music.” Duo let out with a breath, almost a sigh, but not quite. “it-it helps.” Heero frowned, lines forming between his eyebrows as he tried to understand.  
“Aykan-” Heero frowned harder at the mention of the mad man’s name, but Duo kept going, “He wouldn’t let me have music. I had nothing to help me relax, or to fill up the days. Nothing to drown out the screaming.”  
Heero noticed that Duo’s heartbeat wasn’t as high as it had been only moments before, when he had startled awake. His blood pressure was finally within normal range and he didn’t look so anxious anymore either.  
“The music helps?” Heero tried saying it out loud and in his mind, tried to really understand. Duo nodded, watching Heero with eyes begging for understanding.   
He finally nodded with a small smile to Duo and said, “If it helps then I’ll bring you something better tomorrow. Something without commercials every half hour?”  
Duo’s face lit up and Heero was amazed at what such a small promise could win him, or could inspire in Duo. “Do you have any favorite… bands?” Heero asked, remembering some of Duo’s more crass selections during the war.  
“Can I write you a list?” Duo asked, a little shyly, but hopeful.  
“I’ll try my best.” Heero promised. “But write it for me later, ok?” Heero asked, wanting to see if this music deal really did work out, if Duo could get more decent sleep with the music than without. It would make him feel better about sneaking something in for Duo that he wasn’t sure was allowed.  
Duo smirked, as if he knew exactly what was running through Heero’s mind. He swept his hair back, and lay down. Heero watched as Duo first watched him back, then started to fade and was then he was fully asleep within minutes. It was shocking to watch, Heero hadn’t ever seen Duo fall asleep that quickly, not since his rescue or even when they had been giving him heavy doses pain killers. Duo had still fought those as much as he could to stay awake. Perhaps because the music was such an unconscious and subtle reminder that he was out of that prison now?  
Whatever the reason, he was definitely getting that device tomorrow. Heero reached out and ran a hand softly along the ends of Duo’s hair and let the smell of Duo drift through the air overcoming the chemicals and sick smell of the hospital. He allowed it to relax his own frayed nerves as he took a small nap.

Relena wasn’t getting any sleep, she’d lost three fourths of her staff now and was sure she was about to lose the last of them. She would pace at home, then she would sit down and pull at her hair. She’d pace some more at work and then try her computer again. She was doing a lot of pacing and it might have something to do with the eyes that were constantly watching her now.  
Une claimed that it was a needed safety measure, but Relena could see right through that lie. She was under surveillance and it irked her to no end.   
Anxiety sang down her spine and ground her joints together. She ached all over and she was sure her pulse would burst from her neck any second from blood pressure. How she longed to go home and sleep, to forget it all and leave the next day for a well-deserved vacation.  
But she had to see Heero. She contemplated this while she slouched down in her desk chair, her hair a tangled mess. She even had dark circles forming under her eyes from the lack of sleep. She never looked this bad, she prided herself on her put together appearance. But this situation was driving her to ruin.  
If they had successfully gotten Maxwell away from Aykan in time, no doubt Heero would, he never failed, then he’d need to be taken to a hospital for treatment.  
And, if they were keeping this quiet for now, which they obviously were from the lack of reporters and photographers, then it would have to be a hospital where they could treat him unquestioned.  
Relena let a smile that was all teeth creep onto her face, completely unaware of the spectacularly horrific effect it had on her disheveled appearance. She knew of only two places he could be. And where Maxwell was, her Heero would be.


	11. Forgotten

Relena had finally just left her office and gone home. And of course, the preventor “guards” followed her and set up outside of her home. It was quite obvious that there was nothing she could do against this invasion. It was alright thought, because she already had a plan, she just needed a good nights sleep before she carried it out.  
So Relena got ready for bed and settled down for a night without Heero which had seldom happened at all till now. Sure, he had gone out of town before, and so had she. But they had still called each other and said goodnight at the very least. Still, she was able to comfort herself with the knowledge that he would soon be back and was able to drift off. She was sleeping rather peacefully for about an hour when the alarm was suddenly tripped, blaring throughout the house.   
Relena sat bolt right up, her hands tightly over her ears as her personal guard came barreling into her room to surround her. Relena moaned in despair when one of them told her there was no sign of a break in and that they couldn’t get the alarm shut off and to please stay put until they could asses the nature of this threat.

Quatre erupted into fits of laughter as he watched Relena and her remaining people try and get back into the houses mainframe to shut off the alarm. He shut down the three ports in the house they could have used and shut down his own system before going to bed, still giggling in bursts. 

Relena was eventually moved to a hotel sometime in the early morning. She finally got a few hours of sleep before her cell phone alarm woke her up and then Relena went about making a few calls and getting dressed in a dark blue pants suit.   
There were Preventor’s agents waiting for her downstairs when she got breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant. And they looked set on escorting her to work, but she had stayed at this hotel before. And it had been during a press conference, and Relena had to avoid the press by taking back hallways. So she did it this time and barely gave them the slip.  
And it was only because a ride was waiting for her. A black car with tinted windows picked her up, driven by a man with a severe buzz cut and a scar that ran across half his face.  
“Good morning, Miss Relena.” HE said gruffly.   
“Just drive.” She told him firmly and took out her lip stick to touch up her lips, making sure she looked presentable.

Duo ate his breakfast and told the doctor how he was feeling. He let them take him for another MRI and answered questions about what he remembered from the war. Heero stayed with him, listening as Duo went over scars, broken bones, colonies, countries on Earth. And it was both frustrating and a relief to have him confirming Duo’s explanations like he was a teacher grading a test.  
There was of course, some stuff he couldn’t remember due to drugs or unconsciousness, some missing teeth, a scar on the back of his neck and a burn on the inside of his elbow. Several times Heero looked like he wanted to jump in, to ask his own questions, but each time he held himself back. Duo was grateful, he couldn’t handle both of them asking questions just now. He could barely handle the doctor. He just wanted to get out of here. 

Heero watched over Duo as he was questioned, and then again when he was able to turn his music back on so he could nap since he was woken so early, Heero was plagued with the memory that Duo’s body had been identified four and a half years ago with some teeth that were recovered from the accident.  
Heero stared hard at the wall, and he swore he could see it. The wreckage smoldering and falling apart to pieces in front of his eyes. Burning. With that horrible smell of burning flesh that he sometimes couldn’t get out of his nose!   
Then he blinked at Duo’s bright purple eyes peeking out at him under half lidded eyes.  
“What did you say?” Duo asked and Heero realized he’d probably been mumbling, that memory was still so vivid with him, he’d seen the car burning on the news later that night, but he’d seen the burned-out wreck before that.  
“N-nothing.” Heero strove to wipe the memory away from him, the smell of the smoke lingering in his nostrils in the middle of a hospital clued him into the fact that he might need a little alone time. “I’m going to go and get you something from the electronics store down the street. It’s not far; I’ll be back in about an hour.” Heero smiled for Duo, pulling out a pen and paper he’d grabbed from the nurse’s station earlier. He set them on the table that was used for Duo’s meals and wheeled it around so that it hung over the bed and Duo’s legs. “Why don’t you make me a list of music I can find for you while I’m gone.”  
“Ok.” Duo smiled and gave him a small wave as Heero left. 

Duo sighed and rolled his shoulders. Heero was tweaked about something; he could see it in the set of his shoulders. He’d watched Heero enough during the war, tested him out, to figure out the subtle hints that told him what Heero was thinking when he wouldn’t say anything out loud. When he wore that stoic face as a mask, Duo had become an expert on the subtle nuances that were Heero.   
Duo knew that Heero had changed since the war, he definitely talked a hell of a lot more. Turned out that Heero now really liked to talk things out, Duo remembered some of that, before Aykan had ruled his life. They had just been starting to learn to talk to each other instead of falling back on the old stand by of the silent treatment.  
Duo blew up at his bangs and took up the pen, set on writing Heero a list to take his mind off things. He set it to the paper, calling up one of his favorite songs, even knowing the name of the band that sang it and paused.  
He tried again, calling up the title to his mind, remembering listening to it in the dark while lying on his back in his cell, loving the flowing melody and the lyrics that pulled at the heart. He started a down stroke with the pen and stopped again. Panic started to crawl up his throat form low in his stomach, but he gave a short laugh and then tried again. And Again. And again?  
“What the Hell!?” Duo demanded the empty room, holding the pen harder than necessary, but unwilling to put it down. He tried again and found an empty place in his mind that he’d always relied on unconsciously. He’d always done this without a second thought, scrawled and scribbled and doodled as he wrote, and now… nothing!  
Duo threw the pen down and looked around, craning his neck to find the words written on the side of his IV bag and stared at them. Stared hard, making sure he was seeing it all quite clearly, and still nothing! Duo ground his teeth together and growled, he would not panic. He could read just find, he could write, he was rather articulate when he wanted to be. So, what the fuck was going on?  
Duo stared at the words and found that they were just lines and curves. Duo was about to call for a nurse, his hand on the button when something else hit him. He remembered Aykan, he remembered before Aykan and his cell, he remembered the war and everything up till now when he’d woken in this hospital, but there was a big blank sitting right between after the war, when he had lived with Heero, and ending up with Aykan.  
How had he ended up under Aykan’s knife!? Somehow, he knew that he should know this. That he had known this answer not so long ago. But now, he couldn’t bring anything forward to the front of his mind where he could look at it and know.  
“Shit!” Duo cursed with feeling, he picked up the pen, stared at it, and threw it down again. “Shit!” He couldn’t figure it out. He was seriously thinking about calling the nurse and getting her to call Heero back, Heero would know, when there was a knock on his door.  
Duo looked up and a woman stood there, blue pants suite, blonde bangs hanging down into her eyes and a smile on her face. Duo stared at her; she was pretty.  
“Who are you?” Duo asked her, because she was looking at him like she knew him.  
The woman paused, staring at him, anger and confusion dancing across her face. “What?” She asked.  
“Who are you? Are you looking for Heero, do you work with him?” Duo could only think of maybe two reasons this woman would be here since she really didn’t look like a doctor or a nurse, “He’s not here right now; he’ll be back though if you want to wait.”  
“Oh,” The woman’s eyes lit up and then she looked at him again, confused and a bit angry. “Thank you, I think I will.”  
Duo gestured to the chair Heero had been using. “Do you want to sit down?” He didn’t get a good feeling from this woman, but if she worked with Heero then he wasn’t going to be rude.  
“Yes, thank you.” The woman came over and sat next to him; pushing the chair back as she did, so she wasn’t quite so close to him. “How are you feeling?”  
“Huh? Oh, much better, thanks.” Duo smiled at her, he wondered what she did for Preventors; since she worked with Heero she was probably another agent. Was Heero taking time off to be here with him? The thought made Duo slightly angry, but kind of pleased at the same time which was just really confusing, so he chose to ignore it and she was asking him another question.  
“Heero’s been staying here with you? Watching over you?” She asked and Duo swore he saw her eye twitch. How weird. Was she one of those women who found the hot guys at work and then slept with them systematically?  
“Uh, yeah. He’s a good friend.” Duo tried to smile and found it difficult, this woman was setting off some alarms in his head, but he couldn’t figure out why. She just nodded at him and smiled sweetly. She wasn’t actually doing anything suspicious, it was just that all her smile’s seem ingenuine. And Duo was really good at spotting that kind of thing, considering that he was much better than her at this. He was doing it right now.  
“What’s your name?” Duo asked, wondering why she hadn’t introduced herself before now.  
“It’s Relena.” The woman watched him closely while she said it, watching his reaction and Duo wondered if he’d met her before and felt guilt and more panic creeping up on him.  
“Oh,” He swallowed and decided to just out right ask her what she did and if they’d met, it was the quickest way to figure out if he’d actually lost more memories than he knew of now. “What do you-“  
The woman suddenly cut him off, “So, you’re dead.”  
“Huh?” Duo’s eyes flew wide.  
“According to the law you died four and a half years ago. They buried you and everything.” Relena told him. Duo flinched as something in his head pinched and pain flared right behind his eyes.  
“Uh, I guess. Yeah, that’s part of the reason I’m still here. They said they can’t change my medical records yes, it’s a whole process.” Duo felt a chill run down his spine at her eager smile that wasn’t so pretty anymore. Buried him? Wait, what was there to bury?   
“I see. And they rescued you from Aykan, stopping the disease he gave you from killing you. Again.” Relena was really giving him the creeps. How did she know all this? Duo was sure that Heero, with Quatre’s help, was keeping this all as quiet as possible till they could figure things out.  
“Yeah.” The word was pulled out long from his mouth, as if reluctant to leave.  
“But technically you shouldn’t be alive.” Relena stood and glared down at him, all hint of a smile gone from her face. Technically she was neither family nor really a friend, so who had let her in here?  
“Who are you?” Duo demanded, not likening where this conversation was going. He reached out to press his call button and found her hand there, tearing it away from him. “Hey!” Duo glared up at her, she stared back at him with pure loathing.   
“Too stupid to stay dead. L2 Trash! Whore! Thief!” Relena threw the words at him and the shrillness of her voice made pain shoot through his head again, a throbbing starting up. “How dare you come back here and try and take him back! He’s not your little toy to pick up and throw away whenever you please!”  
“What!? Wh-“ And then he knew, she was here about Heero, but not for the reason he thought. Had Heero really forgotten him? Moved on and gotten himself a girlfriend? A fiancé? A Wife?  
“He is MINE!” the Relena woman screamed at him, “How dare you, you tried to take him before too. But I got rid of you, and guess what? He fell right into my arms. They all did. They forgot about you like you never existed at all! I just stepped in and filled your shoes. I was a better friend and lover than you ever were. And they love me now, they love me more than they ever loved you!!!”  
Duo hissed as pain lanced through his skull and he leaned back into his pillow as far as he could as the woman bent over him and continued yelling.  
“But you just didn’t have enough sense to stay dead, did you? Never did. Always came back, always came home, mission after mission, and you just let Heero dangle while you gallivanted around the Colonies.” Was she on drugs? Duo was having a hard time following her accusations, they were so erratic, “But it’s ok now. I’ve come back to help you. I even brought the mercs who helped me the first time. They are dying to see you again, Duo. They talk about you all the time, about how much of a challenge it was to set up that crash. I haven’t been giving them anything really exciting lately; they’re dying for another turn at you. Had to make sure it was believable; lord knows those boys can be damn tenacious when they want to be!”  
Duo saw something flash in the corner of his eye, something colorful, but when he turned there was nothing there. He tore his eyes back to the woman who sneered down at him. “But you know, I actually want to see you dead this time. No shipping you off to a nice safe prison.”  
Another flare of color, a flash of an image that danced like a movie in front of his eyes.  
“I don’t think we need the mercs in here, Heero’s grown too attached to you, I can see that now. I’ll have to do it myself.” The Woman snatched his pillow away and shoved it down over his face before Duo could even finish his, “What the Fuck!?”  
More images taunted him, fire, Heero, metal, four men and one woman, faces, a punch, blood, kicking, a dead man, handcuffs… PEACECRAFT!  
Duo reeled as he reached out and pulled at Relena’s hair, her arms, scratched her face. She was still yelling at him, but he couldn’t hear it through the pillow.  
She was going to suffocate him and he was too weak to stop her!


	12. Awakening

Duo couldn’t breathe for the pillow smothering his every breath. It hadn’t been that bad at first, but she was pushing down as hard as she could and soon, he was gasping for air as the pillow turned everything hot and stale. He gasped for air, managing to pull in little gasps from where the pillow gave around his mouth a little, but it wasn’t enough. He pushed and pulled at the pillow, trying to get Relena to let go but couldn’t get her hands free of the fabric long enough to push it away or turn his head so his face was free.  
All the while the sound of her shrill voice still reached him past the muffling of the pillow. She was persistent and Duo was surprised at her desperate strength. She was determined to get rid of him this way.  
Duo finally had to forget about being able to breathe and concentrate on getting his hands on her. He let go of the pillow and groped beyond it, taking little breaths and trying to hold on to what he had even as it made his vision go gray and his head spin.  
Duo found her arms and he grabbed one and latched his hand tight around her wrist. Then with his other hand, he followed her arm up to her body and put his hand tightly around her neck. She screeched at him, but Duo had the leverage he needed because his arms were longer. With another quick gasp, Duo began to turn her wrist as best he could, using brute force to make it turn at an angle that would cause her pain.   
And he also began to squeeze with his other hand. He went slow and steady, adding pressure against the sides of her neck and also against her windpipe. He wasn’t really trying to kill her, although that was tempting, he just needed her to let go of the damn pillow. So he applied what pressure he could as he was fighting against his own lack of air, and turned it into a battle of wills.   
Duo knew she would let go first. He had known this woman for a huge chunk of his life and when it came to life and death, she had no conviction. Duo had always been prepared to meet his maker, but Relena wanted to live in a petty way, she was the kind of person who wanted to die with the most stuff. She wanted to ‘win’, even if it meant other suffered.  
So, she let go pretty quickly, which was a relief. Duo gasped in air, coughing, and saw her backing away from him. The pillow dropped to the floor and Duo’s arms sagged from the strain as Relena put a hand to her throat and stared at him with open astonishment. Duo let out a deranged giggle, they had almost strangled each other to death, and he couldn’t help but imagine how that would have looked to the next nurse who walked in.   
His laughter made Relena scowl at him and Duo shrugged. He’d won. He wasn’t dead yet, despite her best efforts. But he eyed her warily, because Relena did not look like she was ready to give up.  
“You are insane.” She spat at him.  
“Yeah, probably.” Duo agreed with another shrug. Duo flashed Relena a wicked smile that he had almost forgotten about. It was fueled by the pure madness that had made jumping into a Gundam and fighting in space so easy. He saw her shiver and decided to add, “I was merely defending myself; it’s not my fault you pulled away before I could kill you.”  
Oh, that really pissed her off. Duo watched her gather herself up despite her obvious fear and come back for more. Obviously she felt she stood a chance because he was in a hospital bed, Duo was just confused about how she intended to kill him.  
Duo yelped a second later, because she had very clearly not thought that part through either. She just brandished her long fingernails and began to scratch him.  
“Hey! Stop!” Duo cried out and Relena switched to beating at him with her fists. She did not seem worried about the possibilities of “murder” or “lawsuits”, she just seemed intent on hurting him in whatever way she could.  
“Why couldn’t you just stay dead?” She screeched at him and began grabbing wires and tubes and yanked. Duo cried out at the sudden pain as needles ripped away from his skin.  
Thankfully, she also set off his heart monitor and Duo heard it beep in alarm. She was scratching hard enough to draw blood and working on pulling him off the bed when the door opened and people rushed in to ‘save’ him from what they probably thought was a heart attack and turned out to be a tiny blonde woman.  
“Help!” Duo shouted as she managed to pull him out of the bed and take him down to the floor. Duo instantly curled up, knowing she would have more power behind a kick than she ever would have in her fists. He cried out at her foot connected with his arm and then the room was full of shouting. Duo felt his face throbbing from where she had tried to gouge out his eyes with her nails, and now his arm felt tingly as he stayed curled up and hoped the doctor and nurses could get Relena off him.  
“What are you doing?” A man demanded.  
“How did you get in here?” A woman grunted as she tried to push Relena back and get her off of Duo.  
“He’s a dangerous criminal, let me go!” Relena shrieked and Duo felt another kick land dangerously near his head. He already had a headache again, he didn’t want to think about what damage she might do if she actually landed a kick to his head.   
“What is going on, here?” A loud voice bellowed and Duo felt a wave of relief as everyone finally went quiet and Relena stopped struggling.  
Heero!  
Duo heard his footsteps and then felt gentle hands on him. “Duo? Duo, are you alright?”   
Duo slowly uncurled and looked up into Heero’s worried face. “Head hurts.” He admitted, letting Heero help him sit up and leaning against him.  
“H-Heero!” Relena’s voice made him flinch slightly as she was still high pitched with panic and desperation. Duo really wanted to beg Heero to make her go away. But only look at Heero’s face told him he wouldn’t have to. Heero was pissed.  
Heero hovered over him protectively and glared at the woman who was still being held back by a huge orderly. The orderly had scratches on his arms and did not look happy with her either.  
“Sir, do you know this woman?” He asked Heero. Duo noticed the doctor and a nurse were gone, hopefully to call security.  
“Unfortunately, I do.” Heero growled. Duo was pretty sure any normal mortal would have perished from the look Heero was giving her as she put his arms carefully under Duo and lifted. Duo just let it happen, his head was throbbing and his body ached. He was also bleeding again, damnit. He was not above accepting help just then.  
“Oh.” The orderly looked confused about what to do now.  
“She is the woman responsible for my friend’s condition and she needs to be held, because I intend to press charges for this attack.” Heero spat out and the orderly set his face in firm resolve, looking down at Relena with disgust and seemingly glad to have an idea about what to do with her now.  
“Heero! No!” Relena protested and pulled against the orderly’s hold. “Please, Heero, you have to let me explain. You don’t understand!”  
“I understand perfectly!” Heero snapped back at her. He gently laid Duo down on his bed and then whipped around to face her. “I understand that you faked his death four years ago, and that you came here to try and really kill him now! You will not speak to me ever again! I’m not falling for any more of your lies!”  
Heero snarled down at her and Relena looked shocked. As if he had slapped her, and Duo was pretty sure that the only thing stopping Heero from actually doing that was the presence of the orderly.  
Luckily for Relena, the hospital’s security team showed up then. Duo was pretty sure Heero had been contemplating actually physically hurting her and bribing the orderly to stay quiet. Duo watched from behind Heero’s protective stance as the security team agreed to take her and hold her till the Preventor’s arrived.  
Relena looked shocked and small as she was escorted out of the room. But Duo didn’t miss the glare she shot back at him that was dripping with malice before the door closed. He was pretty sure this wasn’t going to stop her, and that thought made him so tired.  
Duo slumped down in his bed and felt the air move as Heero rushed over.  
“Are you ok? Anything broken? The doctor should be coming back.” Heero worried over him.  
Duo shook his head carefully. “I don’t think so. My arm hurts, but it feels like a bruise.” He admitted and felt Heero instantly inspect both his arms and then hiss in sympathy when he found the place Relena had kicked.  
“I’m sorry Duo, I would have been sooner but I was detained in the waiting room. She had men waiting there to stop me.” Heero’s words were as cold as Duo had ever heard them and he pried open his eyes to see the disgust on Heero’s face. He reached up gently and cupped Heero’s cheek.   
“Hey, it’s ok. Don’t worry about it. She was determined.” Duo smiled at Heero.   
Heero shook his head vehemently. “I shouldn’t have left you! I should have been here watching over you.” He insisted.  
“Heero, you’re human. You can’t be everywhere at once.” Duo frowned.  
“But it was my job to-” Heero started to protest.  
“To what? Protect me from everything? That’s not how life works Heero. We both know that. Please stop. My head hurts too much for this argument.” Duo pleaded.  
Heero looked like he wanted to say something else, but he closed his moth and nodded.  
He stepped back when the doctor returned and checked on Duo. The doctor insisted on another MRI so they could make sure the tussle hadn’t done any soft tissue damage to Duo’s poor abused brain. But it really meant loud banging from the damn machine that said Duo was fine and only made his headache worse.   
The one stroke of luck Duo had, was that they gave him the good pain killers. And as much as he didn’t like the loose and loopy feeling it gave him, right now he would take that over the pain in his head.

Relena sat in a cold room and held her face in her hands. She had attacked Duo. There was video footage of her attacking him! And they had stopped her before she could kill him, so now she might have to explain that to someone and defend herself. They wouldn’t understand, they would take Duo’s side. Because he was so damn charming and had been in the hospital at the time. It wasn’t fair!  
Relena ignored the security man asking her questions and fretted about what she could do to manage this situation. She just had to figure out a way to make that footage disappear. Even if there was still eye witnesses, she could handle this situation as long as there wasn’t proof that could stand up in court.  
“Miss, you need to answer our questions!” The security guard told her.  
“No, I don’t!” Relena snapped back. She glared up at him and he glared back at her. “Do you even know who I am?”  
“I know you are in very big trouble, miss.” He chastised her.  
And that was when the door opened and her hired man stepped in.  
“Not anymore.” Relena said, sitting up. The very picture of dignity as her man knocked the guard out and held the door open for her.  
“Get the footage.” She ordered as she left the room and walked down the halls towards the exit.  
She saw what Heero had done to her men, recognized his handiwork right away. She shook her head and scoffed at them, even though she knew for a fact that they wouldn’t have stood a chance against him.  
When she got into her car, Relena sat back and thought hard about what had just happened. Duo had his clutches in Heero again. And this time he had sunk them in deep. Heero wasn’t even listening to her anymore.  
And if she couldn’t make him listen to reason, then she might have to save Heero from Duo and from himself.

After a couple hours Duo was finally back in his bed and the doctor was fussing over reattaching all his tubes and wires.  
“Do you think you can keep them in this time, Mr Maxwell?” The doctor asked, lightly teasing him as he carefully checked Duo’s eyes while a nurse helped tape down the IV tube to his skin.  
“As long as I’m not attacked again.” Duo smiled for them, feeling night a light now that the pain was gone.  
“We’ll try and see to that.” The doctor patted Duo’s leg and left him. He paused to tell Heero that security would be increased on this floor and Heero thanked him.  
Duo could hear Heero moving his chair back into place and he opened his eyes and looked up at his friend.  
“She broke my radio.” Duo muttered.   
He felt touched when he saw Heero looked upset for him. “She did?” Heero stood and found the radio Duo had been using and tried to turn it on. But it was really broken, it rattled when it moved now.  
“I’m sorry, Duo.” Heero set it down and then reached over to the table and put a plastic bag on Duo’s lap. “I um, I got you the music player I said I would. From the store. But it doesn’t have any music on it yet.”  
Heero looked so upset about that, but Duo put his hand on the bag and smiled up at Heero. “Thank you.”   
Heero sighed heavily. “I shouldn’t have left. We knew she was stressed and wouldn’t probably lash out, and I still left.”   
“Heero.” Duo groaned.  
“Hush, you need to rest.” Heero told him and Duo sighed and let it go.  
“You know… I didn’t recognize her.” Duo suddenly told Heero.  
“What?” Heero asked him, obviously confused.  
Duo sighed and reached out to take Heero’s hand in his, “I forgot who she was, completely. Didn’t recognize her when she came in. I was trying to… to read.” Duo babbled, the drugs making his tongue lose and keeping his panic at bay at the same time. “I can’t read Heero, all I see are squiggles and they don’t make sense to me, even though I know they should. I think I forgot that too.”  
Heero looked stricken. “I was trying to write down the list of music for you, and I can’t do that either. It’s all gone.” Duo wondered if he should be dumping all of this in Heero’s lap all at once, but it all just came spilling out of his mouth and he couldn’t really think of a reason not to tell Heero. Heero was here to look out for him, as much as he could. Besides, who else did he have in his life that he could talk to about this?  
“I forgot how I ended up in Aykan’s loving care.” Duo kept talking and Heero looked like he might combust, but he was holding Duo’s hand and listening to him. “I can’t believe I forgot that.”  
“Your brain may have suffered damages since we couldn’t-” Heero started to explain but Duo cut him off.  
“I know the science of it. I know you tried your best, but I was so sick that the damage probably already happened before you got there. But shouldn’t someone remember something that bad happening to them?” Duo asked, disgust tasting sour on his tongue, even as the drugs told his nervous system that nothing was wrong. “That’s not something someone should forget.”  
Heero scooted his chair closer and Duo felt his hand gently rest against the top of his head. His thumb stroking Duo’s temple. Duo looked up and felt for Heero, he looked like he was helpless and so desperate to help. To somehow make this better, and they both knew that he couldn’t.  
“But I remember it now. When she shoved the pillow into my face it all came back.” Duo smiled gentle up at Heero and moved into his gentle touch even when Heero tried to jerk away.  
“When she what?” Heero made a movement as if he was going to go off after her again, but Duo held him in place with his next words.  
“I remember how I died Heero.”


	13. Death

Heero couldn’t keep the shock from his face. He actually pulled away from Duo a little to stare down at him better. He found Duo’s calm disarming. How could he be so placid, how could he lay there in a hospital bed and talk so peacefully about his staged death!?  
“Sit down, Heero.” Duo instructed him and Heero deftly reached out and pulled the hospital chair under him and sat down hard, still staring at Duo in something akin to confusion, but closer to anger or outrage.  
“Remember that day, how I was going to go see Dr. Hu, because I got that memo for a follow up on my physical after that mission to L2?” Heero nodded not admitting out loud that he remembered everything from that day down to what he and Duo had been wearing.

“Well that turned out to be fake. I hung around the coffee shop on the corner of 5th and Main till it was almost ten, waiting for when I was supposed to go in. And they got me right as I passed that alley between the copy place and that shoe store.” Duo cursed himself again as he remembered just how easily they’d gotten the jump on him. It had been lightly raining that day and everything had been sort of dreary and dark. Duo had been thinking about going home that afternoon and just reading by the big windows in their apartment, but that was no excuse. He should have been alert, he should have been mindful. It was the perfect example about why the pilots needed to be aware of their surroundings even during peace time.  
“They had that tranquilizer OZ used towards the end of the war, that mix with the shit in it for horses.” Heero went pale in front of him and looked like he was tasting bile as he hung on Duo’s every word. “Got my right shoulder. My whole right side was numb in seconds.” Duo rubbed his arm as he remembered and kept talking, wanting to say it all. To have someone else know what had happened to him.  
“I got one with my left side before that went numb, too. Boot knife to ankle.” Heero nodded, obviously remembering that Duo could wield his blades with either hand, but with equal skill. “Then I was just laying there… couldn’t move at all.” Duo said softly, remembering that dawning horror when he realized he was completely helpless.  
“One of them braced me up against the wall, tall guy with short brown hair and a scar that ran from the corner of his right eye to the top of his lips. And they just started hitting me. Kicking me. Hurting me. I think they kept going after they were supposed to because of the one guy I hurt.” Duo rubbed his jaw in memory of the pain, “There was one woman with them, she reminded them that they needed some teeth, so they hit me till they knocked some lose.” Duo’s stomach cramped and he swallowed thickly. Just talking about it reminded him how awful it had felt to be aware and unable to defend himself as they just wailed on him.

Heero could feel his nails digging into his palms. He was pretty sure that the men he’d run into in the waiting room had been the ones Duo was now describing. The description of the facial scar was identical, but at the mention of the woman he was now positive. He was filled with instant rage, he wanted to run out the door and back downstairs to see if he could catch them. To repay them for every single blow they had rained down on his helpless friend. Heero remembered the effects of that drug and knew what Duo had gone though. And he had just walked away from them, let them get away! He was sitting here listening to Duo instead, but he was pretty sure what was coming next. And even though he wanted to go, he felt like he was nailed to his chair.   
For Duo, because he felt that Duo needed to tell him, needed to talk about this. And a part of him needed to hear it.  
“They put me in the back of a van, and… there was a body. Another guy. A body they could use. But Heero, I think he was still alive!” Duo faltered then and Heero could see how this detail had tormented him. Because Duo had to be right, that mand would have had to have been alive still. Otherwise the coroner would have been able to tell that the body hadn’t died in the crash. Up until now Duo had been speaking in a normal, matter o’ fact, even tone. He had been recalling the whole think like explaining an old mission. But this was where Heero started to see the real toll this whole thing had taken on him.   
Heero wanted to reach out and take Duo’s hand, to offer him some comfort. But he could feel the little trickle of blood on his palm where his nails had cut into the skin. And there was no way he was going to trigger Duo right now. So instead he settled for scooting his chair forward and putting as much support as he could into his eyes while he surreptitiously rubbed his palms on his jeans to clean away the blood.

Duo surged forward, wanting to get this next part over with. If he just kept talking and didn’t think about it too much he was sure he could get through this.   
“He was drugged, same as me. He was so scared, stared at me as if it was either my fault or I was his goddamned savior.” Duo shook and reached around his body to hold onto himself, willing Heero not to touch him or he was just going to fall apart and then he’d have to start all over again. And he really didn’t think he could tell this story twice.   
“They drove us… I don’t know where, but I can’t even remember how long it took, just that the other guy’s, no, the kid’s eyes were hazel. He was the same age as me, same build. But he had hazel eyes and his hair was a lighter brown than mine. We just stared at each other and I saw it. I saw the moment when he knew I couldn’t save him. That we were probably both going to die.” Duo took a breath as he remembered the silent tears, that other guy had been the same age as him. But he had been innocent. He was still just a kid, unlike Duo. He hadn’t served in the war; it was obvious from just a glance. He hadn’t deserved what happened next.  
“Then they stopped and opened the doors and pulled him out. The woman jumped in behind me and sat me up, told me to watch; that this was what my friends were going to think had happened to me.” God, Duo felt nauseous as he spoke. But he kept pushing, kept talking. “They had my car, started to put him inside. The guy with the scar came back and took my cloths and switched it with his, took my watch and my… my cross.”  
Duo took a deep breath and willed himself not to be sick, “Then one of the other guys, real skinny with black hair and a limp made a big show of getting into a tank truck, you know, the ones that usually carry fuel? I knew then, what they were planning. We both knew.”

Heero knew it all too well, he’d seen it so often on the news, had seen the scene after the fire had been put out. Had seen what had been left of Duo’s car.  
What had been left of the body inside it.  
“He managed to scream, couldn’t struggle, just screamed. Before they…” Duo paused and took in a big gulp of air and for a moment Heero was afraid Duo would gag. “Before they got him in, he yelled at me, told me his name. Lawrence Kelps.”  
Heero chanced it and reached out and snagged Duo’s hand, just held it, not tightly, though he had to fight that. But just held it and waited. Letting Duo finish but silently offering his unwavering support.  
“The woman pulled out the bag with my teeth in it and it got passed to the guy in the tank truck. Then they shoved him in the car and they shut me in the back of the van again. I kept trying to move, kept trying to-to… do Something!” Duo’s hand was clammy, but he didn’t pull it away from Heero.  
Heero squeezed his hand and Duo looked up at him, looking somehow horrified and numb at the same time. “I couldn’t. That stupid fucking drug.”  
Heero remembered getting the call, the call that Duo wasn’t at his appointment, that he wasn’t at home in their apartment resting. That he was never going to come into the room again, smiling and searching him out. Never going to tell him a joke again, never going to drag him out of the office for lunch with Quatre, Trowa and Wu Fei. Never going to bring home a movie and sit next to him on the couch while Heero tried to find subtle ways to touch him.   
That he was… gone.  
Then the closed casket at the funeral. His friens refusing to let him open it, to see Duo burned and dead. Telling him that he wouldn’t want to remember Duo like that, that he needed to grieve and live. That Duo would want him to.   
Like it was somehow ok that he’d never see Duo smile again.   
“I heard the explosion,” Duo’s voice interrupted his memories and he looked up at Duo again. He had been staring at their linked hands. “I knew the kid would burn up in my place and all they’d have left to identify him with were a few of my teeth they were probably leaving nearby. I knew they’d call you first…”  
Duo closed his eyes tightly; his voice was becoming strained. “I knew it was all her doing. I knew that she’d use this opportunity to get close to you, and I knew I was going to die pretty soon.”  
“So, I tried to get them angry, I yelled at them and fought to get that shit out of my system, but they ignored me and just said they were taking me somewhere where I’d no longer be a danger to society.” Duo slumped back in the bed, tears gathering on his eyelashes but refusing to pool together and slide down his cheeks.  
“I tried to escape; the first time was the worst. Aykan didn’t really use electricity after that, but he always used it as his threat after that. But I kept trying until-” Duo wouldn’t look at him now. His voice hitched and he looked guilty, like he didn’t want to admit anything more. But he finished the sentence.   
“Until I realized that four years had gone by.”  
Heero felt Duo’s words as if he’d just been stabbed by white hot metal. Straight through his chest, leaving a bleeding wound that burned like fire.   
Duo had given up.   
He had accepted his fate. He could see it in Duo eyes right now. Duo had given up on any means of rescue or escape. Aykan and time had finally cracked Duo, it had taken years, but they had been successful. Heero had been too late. The Duo in front of him was without hope. Even though Heero had gotten him out, he could see the haunted look in his eyes.  
Duo had expected to die under Aykan’s blade. And that alone made Heero wish he could bring the man back simply to kill him again. And more than that, it made him whish he hadn’t let Relena Peacecraft go.  
He had been blind, to everything. To how she manipulated them and the years she had known that Duo was out there, still alive. The realization made Heero glow red with shame.   
There had been so many clues, red flags waving brightly in the sun. She’d protested his resignation as her bodyguard. She’d protested him spending so much time with Duo, but more than anything, she’d protested their living together. When Heero had told her over lunch that he was moving in with Duo she’d nearly exploded with anger. And still, Heero hadn’t seen just how deep that anger had lain. He had written it off as some weird jealously that she would simply grow out of.   
Now, with 20/20 hindsight, he could see it all, and each move she’d made in the following four and a half years only sickened him more. How could he tell Duo? How could he tell Duo that he’d been taken in by that siren. That he’d fallen for her ploy and played into her hands so easily. That he’d taken up his old job again in addition to his other job. That he’d moved in with her and allowed her to take Duo’s place.   
That… he’d slept with Relena.

“I’m sorry.” Duo’s voice broke something in him and he jerked up to look at Duo in shock. He was sorry? Sorry for what?   
But Heero saw the regret on Duo’s face. Regret for explaining? Regret for giving up? For not being able to save that civilian? Heero couldn’t tell, but none of that mattered!  
“NO!” Heero gasped for air, pulling his hand out of Duo’s abruptly, seeing the hurt look on Duo’s face at the sudden action and hating himself more.  
“No, you should never ever be sorry for any of this!” Heero stood and the chair fell backwards from the force. “This was all my fault. All of it!”  
Duo stared up at him in confusion. “No, it’s not Heero, they shouldn’t have been able to get me so easily, I let myself get sloppy. I should have been able to save Lawrence. I should have-”  
“Duo, they shouldn’t have been sent at all! That was all my fault, if I had just cut my ties with Relena, like you told me to. If I had just listened to you, if-” Heero gasped for air. “If I hadn’t told her we were moving in together-”  
“You what?” Duo suddenly asked and Heero remembered then that he had never told Duo about his weekly lunches with the woman. The woman whom he now loathed with every fiber of his body. The woman who had almost cost him everything. The woman he’d thought of as his friend and later as his lover.  
“Heero…” Duo glared at him, unbelieving and Heero hear a small sound pass his lips, felt his stomach tighten. Was… was Duo blaming him now, too? Should he have said that?   
Looking at Duo he was sure that he should have kept that little tidbit to himself.  
Then he was running from the room. Crashing past a woman pushing a large cart with food on it and running down the hall and out of the hospital.

Duo was left staring at the empty door. He was gone. Just like that he was gone and Duo was left floundering in and empty room. Everything looked very suddenly like it was carved out of stone. All hard lines and jagged edges. Gone. Nothing was real anymore, Heero wasn’t real, hadn’t been. He’d just been another elaborate dream. Relena too. All of this. It wasn’t real, he was still back with Aykan. He was never getting out!  
Duo choked on his air and felt panic rising in his veins. His heart hammered and his hands went numb. He could hear his pulse in his ears and felt a dropping sensation.  
No! No, this was real! He knew it was, Heero had been holding his hand just a little while ago. He needed to hold on to that.   
He wasn’t back in that prison, this was real. The here and now.  
Duo swallowed hard and took several long and deep breaths as he held his own arms. Digging his nails into his own skin and using that pain to remind himself that this wasn’t a dream or a hallucination.  
“Heero?” He didn’t know why the name came to his lips now, but in the next second he was pulling at his tubes and IV’s damming the doctor for even bothering to put them back in. He had to get Heero back, had to make sure! Had to know that this was real!  
Maureen, the food delivery lady was suddenly there, at his elbow, talking to him and trying to still his hands. Duo couldn’t hear her, he was just fighting to get out of bed, even as Maureen hit the emergency button and nurses rushed in and the doctor came back.  
“Let. Me. Go!” Duo yelled at them, struggling against their hands and just barely managing to hold himself back from really hurting them. Then there was a needle in his arm and he saw red rage. He exploded and didn’t hold back as the feel of drugs pouring through his veins set him mindlessly against them all. It was too soon after explaining, too close to the memories he had just dredged up out of his subconscious. He was still trying to calm himself down from the almost panic attack of seeing Heero suddenly gone.  
The familiar feel of an unwanted needle and debilitating drugs. Duo screamed at them and fought as long as he could. Trying to make sure he wasn’t helpless again. Never again! But it was too late, they had already gotten enough in him. And now even his body was going limp. He couldn’t fight them off. Heero wasn’t coming back!  
Duo’s mind fought to hold on to something, but his memories were torn apart like they were in a blender and his body responded, trying to kick start his adrenaline even while the drugs shut him down.  
Before he blacked out, he heard someone yelling to call ‘Mr. Winner’ and someone else ordering restraints.  
“Heero.” Duo was able to breathe before the world faded to a deep, deep blue around him.


End file.
